wint

i hate it when a long piece of poop rises up out the back of my jeans like a periscope and i say "Oops" and it goes back inside

me rogan and elon are on an a jet to israel. Enjoy your unfunny circle jerk. do not try to contact us. We are safe

they didnt use my idea to bring Apu back as a Vietnamese guy who can transform into an alien. But thats ok. I will still TiVo every episode.

when the CIA attempted to recruit me, they said I could suck any cock on earth. Any I desire. I turned down their offer because i am not Gay

you dont wanna see me get Bad

people ask me if i listen to bieber and i smile simply and say simply yes. Then I show them this and they lose their fucking shit

a prominent member of Film Twitter told me to "Suck his dick" just because i said that my favorite movie is the tv show Scrubs

this is my main bull shit

just got an app on my motorola razr that does the Howie Scream when ever my fingers or my toes or my penis is bitten by dogs

It's Little Tiny Ass Dick Month. If you celebrate, you probably got a stupid ass nasty little dick. Go fuck your self

Its Fucking mueller time

Jeans Israel

just checking my dms on this failed and dead web site

every one please vote for me to be the next james bond and if you are in line stay in line

getting carbombed after a palantir thinktank pays me $125 to pretend to be a Gay Looking Ethical Non Monogamist who is glad alcatraz closed

this wall art company keeps emailing me about doing some sort of collab and the top 4 featured could not possibly be any more good

fantasizing about dealing w/ a loud dog; like by turning on a giant fan that blows all the hair off its body. or doing havana syndrome to it

beloved robot PeePee 2.0 is slain by a car in the new star wars movie—And no; they cant make another one because its soul would be different