Pat Sajak

Living life to its fullest.

I was telling our dog about how we were going to feed him only natural, organic, non-GMO, farm-to-table food, but I don’t think he could hear me over the slurping noise he was making drinking from the toilet bowl.

Since my departure from the televised grand spectacle, I have been thoroughly engulfed in an absolute maelstrom of relentless activity. Our peregrinations have ferried us across a multitude of exotic, ultramontane realms, wherein we experienced the profound jubilation of reconvening with long-estranged compatriots. Concurrently, I have surrendered my intellect to the voracious consumption of dense, hermetic tomes, immersing myself in the labyrinthine intricacies of highly recondite and intellectually stimulating subject matters. In a plurality of dimensions, my current state of existential industriousness vastly eclipses any prior epoch of my life. It’s been really cool.

When I was hired to join KNBC in Los Angeles, I was flown out from my home in Nashville. The coach section was overbooked, and I was fortunate to be moved to first class, where my seat mate turned out to be Dolly Parton. Sure was a nice flight. Rest in peace, Miss Dolly.

Does it seem a bit ironic that MLB’s Field of Dreams game—which harkens back to a simpler, more bucolic time—is being streamed on Netflix?

Now that I’ve been off TV for a while, I thought I could walk anonymously through a mall. It worked at first, but then someone yelled, “Hey, it’s Pat Sajak!” Then I was surrounded by people. “How are you?” “We miss you!” It was a bit of a circus. I’m almost sorry I yelled.

Update on life…

I know you’ll think I’m making this up, but I swear it’s true. I saw a customer in a mattress store today.

I’ve just been purchased by Paramount.

An icon and a former TV game show host.

I love this restaurant. Pretty classy of them to personalize these for me!

It’s really pathetic when well-to-do celebrities tag companies like @ROLEX or @TiffanyAndCo or @BMW or @LouisVuitton just trying to get free things.

I proudly salute my fellow veterans. Thanks to you all.

Apparently the most common side effect from prescription drugs advertised on TV is an irresistible urge to sing and dance.

In the spirit of Halloween, I’ve lowered the voltage on our security fences.

I had a minor accident this morning. I sprained my index finger using a dropdown menu to find my year of birth. Should heal quickly.

I’m sorry, but I neglected to take my phone with me yesterday afternoon. I had to draw my lunch from memory. My apologies. I’ll do better today.

Even though I’m off the show, I was smart enough to trademark some unique phrases they continue to use, so I still get paid each time they come up. I’ve done especially well this season with, “Yes, there are 2 Rs.”

Would you find it at all troubling if you discovered that a friend of yours was hosting an imaginary game show in his basement? Asking for a friend.