Caleb McEwen

People who say "I love fall" are really saying "I enjoy watching nature murder the world."

My 10-year-old son: "This movie is exactly like every other movie. WAIT! It's different!"

I'm not sure of anything anymore.

Actual quote from couple trying to explain The Martian: "I'm not interested in science, but I like Matt Damon!"

Actual quote from couple trying to explain The Martian: "He set up a code because the camera could only read numbers." Nope.

At a restaurant and the couple next to me is trying to explain the plot of The Martian and I am longing for the isolation of space.

Dogs are supposed to make you feel safer you but my stomach just growled and terrified my greyhound.

Everyone in Minneapolis posted pictures of my rainbow death ray test from last night. So much for "secret". Eau Claire lives another day.

Tonight my daughter stared into the microwave shouting encouragement to her popcorn. A few more years and she'll be shouting into the void.

Better Olympic Steeplechase Obstacles: Bears Jenga Station Pit of Waffles SAT Verbal Section Not Being Kenyan Walk Signal That Won't Change

Maybe the hope is that one Trump's plagiarism trumps the other Trump's racism.

"One does not simply walk into Mordor!" --Melania Trump

"Veni, vidi, vici." --Melania Trump

"Four score and seven years ago our fathers brought forth on this continent, a new nation, conceived in liberty..." --Melania Trump

"Ask not what your country can do for you, ask what you can do for your country." --Melania Trump

Thanks, Kelly!

Learning about my reptile brain... #CeridianINSIGHTS

Still stunning. #CeridianINSIGHTS teapaw.org/shelleynghcm/status/75…