Stand up comedian, actor and writer, whose new tour starts in September 2025. I’m hcruttenden on Instagram and Hal Cruttenden on Facebook
London
Joined November 2009
- Tweets25.6K
- Following990
- Followers45.3K
- Likes38.4K
Pinned Tweet
I'm tweeting less as, like most comics and other narcissists, I'm spending more time creating online content. If you want to see more, please look me up on instagram where I'm @hcruttenden
Not satisfied with the people who died as a result of his DOGE cuts, Elon is now helping kill people in Ukraine. That fascist salute really wasn’t a joke…
I assume this will be sold in the comedy section….
BANK JOB is available worldwide from all major bookshops and retailers.
Pre-order now:
Amazon:
amzn.eu/d/0db8GpMl
Waterstones:
waterstones.com/book/bank-jo…
Foyles:
foyles.co.uk/book/bank-job/l…
Published 26 October by Free Speech Press.
Hal Cruttenden retweeted
Either provide concrete evidence it’s an ‘Islamist’ uprising or STFU about things of which you know nothing. You couldn’t even find Limoges on a map!
Sometimes I worry about how stupid Richard is. Then I remember that he was born rich so, whatever happens, he’ll be okay.
Burnham has damaged our national security over his Russia claims
He should apologise to the Commons in PMQs tomorrow
telegraph.co.uk/politics/202…
Hal Cruttenden retweeted
Your posts are a lot less popular since that Russian data centre got hit, aren’t they, Nige?
A Geebeebies presenter shares her scientific expertise!
I’ve just watched a whole BBC documentary about the rapid increase in cancer among the young..
It explored food & lifestyle choices, even body sprays & plastics.
Not once tho, did they explore whether getting young healthy people vaccinated over & over with a product that had no long term health data, may have played a role🤔
Hal Cruttenden retweeted
Not true. Fiona Bruce and the team have always made clear that Question Time has robust vetting procedures in place. Everyone who applies to be in the audience is interviewed and has to provide links to their social media accounts. If they don't - they don't get in.
So she’s intelligent enough to know it’s not true, but politically corrupt enough to still spread the message to create panic and worry amongst the most uninformed members of our society.
I’m going to take a chance here and say that there is no way the Police would bail highly dangerous suspected terrorists. Nigel keeps shouting about things before he has all the facts purely for political gain. It really doesn’t make him look like Prime Minister material.
I think Liz is a comedy character pretending to be a politician. When this all comes out, and how people took her seriously, she’ll be playing arenas! 👏👏👏👏👏
Hal Cruttenden retweeted
Jim Ratcliffe has lost confidence in the world’s 3rd largest innovation economy with two fifths of Europes high growth young companies. Ignorant and ill-informed this tax exile deserves no air time bbc.co.uk/news/articles/cm04…
It was so incredibly lovely of us to stop the slave trade that we built so much of our wealth on. We’re just a lovely country!🤣😂🤣😂
Hal Cruttenden retweeted
I’ve stopped posting about this of late BUT :
In Cambridge recently - there were four upper middle class educated grey haired white grandmas and one grey haired grandpa on a Saturday demonstration near the theatre. One of the non-jewish actors I work with who met quite a few of the survivors of October 7 at the recent Nova Exhibition went and asked the five Grey Grandparents what they thought about October 7 with the terrible rapes abductions murders & atrocitities carried out that day. The Gray Grandpa told the Actor that none of the atrocities really happened that it was all hearsay and speculation. One of the old middleclass Grey Grandmas said ‘actually I don’t care’
For the record having met many of the survivors, many of the rape survivors and many of the families who’s children were murdered at the Nova festival -I can categorically tell you that some of the worst atrocities I have ever heard of happened that day. Never allow anyone to deny what happened on October 7th. Please. It doesn’t matter what your political affiliation is but once you start denying rape and sexual violence to one group of people when there is empirical evidence- you will end up denying all. 🙌
The US President literally knows less than every other person in the room that he is in. Everyone is having to pretend that his answers hold value, when every single person there knows that he is clueless. Trump, like Reform in the UK, represents the triumph of ignorance.
Q: How was your phone call with prime minister Andy Burnham last week? Did he talk about the Falkland islands and Argentina?
Trump: Well, the falkland islands is very interesting because here we go again. I remember as a young boy, pretty young boy anyway. But the falkland islands and, uh, I think it was a different country at that time, the uk a little bit, but they went in and they took it over. I'm not sure if they're doing that. They have a little problem with immigration. They have a little problem with energy and they have some other problems they have to take care of. So I don't know, you know, I don't know if they're going to be willing to travel that far. That is very far away. You're talking about weeks by boat.
Hal Cruttenden retweeted
London's homicide rate hit its lowest level since records began.
Yet 40% of the public thought that murders had risen since 2019.
That’s the danger of disinformation. We cannot accept it, and to defeat it, we’ve got to put pressure on the social media companies who profit from it.
Hal Cruttenden retweeted
Posted without comment.
Protesters outside Portsmouth hotel mistake Pakistan U19 cricket team for asylum seekers theguardian.com/sport/2026/s…
Hal Cruttenden retweeted
I think the Daily Mail repeating their infamous, “hurrah for the black shirts” line is now increasingly unlikely.
Think how far we’ve come from a normal world. Banks can quite blithely call all asylum seekers in a boat dangerous criminals. It’s an obvious untruth but, as it’s been repeated continuously, people no longer find it shocking. Goebbels would have been proud of Banks’ methods.
