The Babylon Bee (@TheBabylonBee) header
The Babylon Bee (@TheBabylonBee) profile picture

The Babylon Bee

@TheBabylonBee

Fake news you can trust 🐝

 United States
linktr.ee/babylonbee
Joined February 2016
  • Tweets38.6K
  • Following8
  • Followers5.3M
19.8KMedia
Photo by The Babylon Bee (@TheBabylonBee)Photo by The Babylon Bee (@TheBabylonBee)Photo by The Babylon Bee (@TheBabylonBee)Photo by The Babylon Bee (@TheBabylonBee)Photo by The Babylon Bee (@TheBabylonBee)Photo by The Babylon Bee (@TheBabylonBee)Photo by The Babylon Bee (@TheBabylonBee)Photo by The Babylon Bee (@TheBabylonBee)Photo by The Babylon Bee (@TheBabylonBee)Photo by The Babylon Bee (@TheBabylonBee)
Heartbroken Eric Swalwell Learns Chinese Intelligence Has Been Seeing Other People buff.ly/MSU8g2q
Heartbroken Eric Swalwell Learns Chinese Intelligence Has Been Seeing Other People

Heartbroken Eric Swalwell Learns Chinese Intelligence Has Been Seeing Other People

LIVERMORE, CA — Following the news that Chinese agents had been engaging in widespread "honeypot" operations across the United States for years, former Congressman Eric Swalwell was reportedly...

babylonbee.com
34
327
24
2,546
52,923
Democrats Say They Now Have A Clear Mandate From Voters To Do All The Crazy Stuff They Never Mentioned In Their Campaigns buff.ly/9CU9SF5
Democrats Say They Now Have A Clear Mandate From Voters To Do All The Crazy Stuff They Never...

Democrats Say They Now Have A Clear Mandate From Voters To Do All The Crazy Stuff They Never...

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Democrats announced on Monday that they now have a clear mandate from voters to do all the crazy stuff they never mentioned in their campaigns.

babylonbee.com
41
549
25
3,648
59,646
Do You Live In Texas? Here Are 12 Things You Should Do To Prepare For Democrats Taking Over

Do You Live In Texas? 12 Things To Prepare For Democrats Taking Over

Do You Live In Texas? Here Are 12 Things You Should Do To Prepare For Democrats Taking Over

20
125
7
661
58,289
In Most Hilarious Bit Yet, Chappelle Brings Young Dad On Stage And Murders Him buff.ly/xEbjXjU
In Most Hilarious Bit Yet, Chappelle Brings Young Dad On Stage And Murders Him

In Most Hilarious Bit Yet, Chappelle Brings Young Dad On Stage And Murders Him

NEW YORK, NY — In his most hilarious stand-up comedy bit yet, comedian Dave Chappelle brought a young dad up on stage and murdered him in cold blood.

babylonbee.com
64
354
11
3,620
68,334
Man Sets Email Away Response That He's On Vacation In Hyrule For The Foreseeable Future buff.ly/HO5LWeh
Man Sets Email Away Response That He's On Vacation In Hyrule For The Foreseeable Future

Man Sets Email Away Response That He's On Vacation In Hyrule For The Foreseeable Future

SAN JOSE, CA — Local man Darren Mitchell set his email "out-of-office" reply to alert people that he would be on vacation in Hyrule for the foreseeable future.

babylonbee.com
9
9
174
45,933
Desperate Republican Party Turns To Its Last Hope By Firing Up The Jeb! Signal
22
22
7
267
50,551
Texas Adds Stars To State Flag To Represent All Six Genders buff.ly/sc0NNoB
Texas Adds Stars To State Flag To Represent All Six Genders

Texas Adds Stars To State Flag To Represent All Six Genders

AUSTIN, TX — The state of Texas announced an update to its famous "Lone Star" flag, adding five more stars in order to represent all six genders.

babylonbee.com
36
176
8
1,625
56,373
Joseph’s Brothers Jealous Of His Vintage Charlotte Hornets Starter Jacket buff.ly/JZqbZHz
Joseph’s Brothers Jealous Of His Vintage Charlotte Hornets Starter Jacket

Joseph’s Brothers Jealous Of His Vintage Charlotte Hornets Starter Jacket

CANAAN — Tensions heightened in one prominent local family this week, as witnesses reported that Joseph's brothers had grown increasingly jealous of his vintage Charlotte Hornets Starter jacket.

babylonbee.com
55
241
30
3,381
187,027
Trump Reassures Republicans He’ll Turn Things Around In Third Term buff.ly/WbKWLNa
Trump Reassures Republicans He’ll Turn Things Around In Third Term

Trump Reassures Republicans He’ll Turn Things Around In Third Term

WASHINGTON, D.C. — With Republicans still reeling from the midterm shellacking last week, President Donald Trump assured them he would turn things around in his third term.

babylonbee.com
29
122
6
2,213
70,456
Studies Show Majority Of People Who Say They Don't Want Kids Have Never Flown A Toddler Around In A Laundry Basket While Making Rocket Ship Sounds buff.ly/UnsZhes
Studies Show Majority Of People Who Say They Don't Want Kids Have Never Flown A Toddler Around In A...

Studies Show Majority Of People Who Say They Don't Want Kids Have Never Flown A Toddler Around In A...

CINCINNATI, OH — An eye-opening new study has shown that the majority of people who say they don't want to have kids have never put a toddler in a laundry basket and flown them around while making...

babylonbee.com
28
99
2
1,288
57,081
Top 8 Reasons You Absolutely DON'T Need A Gun buff.ly/C0xp5TE
Top 8 Reasons You Absolutely DON'T Need A Gun

Top 8 Reasons You Absolutely DON'T Need A Gun

Are you thinking about buying a gun? Ew. What's wrong with you? Gross! Just... ew. Guns are very problematic, and so are the people who use them. You don't need one. Here's why.

babylonbee.com
18
26
2
285
67,996
Chicago Reports 40 Tragic Bullet Accidents Over Weekend buff.ly/vvZsy8m
Chicago Reports 40 Tragic Bullet Accidents Over Weekend

Chicago Reports 40 Tragic Bullet Accidents Over Weekend

CHICAGO, IL—Thanksgiving weekend is a time of family gatherings and gratitude in the windy city. This weekend, however, the holiday was marred by 40 tragic bullet accidents. According to reports,...

babylonbee.com
39
243
3
2,518
71,460
Friend Group Recruits Baptist So As To Always Have Designated Driver buff.ly/y05lcIc
Friend Group Recruits Baptist So As To Always Have Designated Driver

Friend Group Recruits Baptist So As To Always Have Designated Driver

AMARILLO, TX — A group of local friends has recruited a Baptist girl so as to always have a designated driver.

babylonbee.com
27
60
2
994
107,213
Israelite King Would Just Once Like Prophets To Say God Is Pleased and Everything Is Dandy buff.ly/20pHlqf
Israelite King Would Just Once Like Prophets To Say God Is Pleased and Everything Is Dandy

Israelite King Would Just Once Like Prophets To Say God Is Pleased and Everything Is Dandy

SAMARIA — According to insiders, King Ahab of Israel lamented a recent meeting he had with the prophet Elijah, admitting that just once he would like the prophets to say God is pleased and that...

babylonbee.com
12
70
1
1,177
83,672
Jackpot: Local Church Has Organ, Hymnals, Male Pastor buff.ly/EHljS0c
Jackpot: Local Church Has Organ, Hymnals, Male Pastor

Jackpot: Local Church Has Organ, Hymnals, Male Pastor

PLANO, TX — After moving to Plano and spending weeks searching for a new church home, Dan and Cyndi Badeen hit the jackpot when they walked into St. Paul's Lutheran and found hymnals, an organ, and a...

babylonbee.com
54
90
9
1,714
104,709
Christianity Today: 'Jesus May Not Have Existed And The Bible Is A Lie And God Is Dead' buff.ly/cOT4LeU
Christianity Today: 'Jesus May Not Have Existed And The Bible Is A Lie And God Is Dead'

Christianity Today: 'Jesus May Not Have Existed And The Bible Is A Lie And God Is Dead'

CAROL STREAM, IL — An article published by Christianity Today calls into question the existence of Jesus, argues that the Bible is a lie, and says God is dead.

babylonbee.com
90
64
14
1,008
158,935
Dad Says It's Okay To Watch Traumatically Gory R-Rated Movie Because At Least There Aren't Any Boobs buff.ly/JQz0mCq
Dad Says It's Okay To Watch Traumatically Gory R-Rated Movie Because At Least There Aren't Any Boobs

Dad Says It's Okay To Watch Traumatically Gory R-Rated Movie Because At Least There Aren't Any Boobs

GREER, SC—According to several sources, local dad Robert McRandy is okay with his kids watching an R-rated movie, as long as the rating is just for violence, and not due to any nudity.

babylonbee.com
37
47
5
1,145
95,375
Scholars Confirm Jesus Always Fist-Bumped Apostles After Absolutely Roasting Pharisees buff.ly/Lsk1sFt
Scholars Confirm Jesus Always Fist-Bumped Apostles After Absolutely Roasting Pharisees

Scholars Confirm Jesus Always Fist-Bumped Apostles After Absolutely Roasting Pharisees

ISRAEL—Scholars working in Israel confirmed Monday that after owning the Pharisees with facts and logic, Jesus always fist-bumped his apostles.

babylonbee.com
15
64
3
1,188
92,437
Nation's Dads Report That It's Probably Fine buff.ly/jDegCuH
Dad Finds Button To End FaceTime Call In Record 27 Seconds

Dad Finds Button To End FaceTime Call In Record 27 Seconds

ERIE, PA—According to sources, local dad Dale Jeffers has managed to end a FaceTime call, successfully finding the right button in a record 27 seconds.

babylonbee.com
8
19
402
79,131
The Babylon Bee Presents: The 12 Most Inspiring Verses In The Bible buff.ly/VwKGNDF
The Babylon Bee Presents: The 12 Most Inspiring Verses In The Bible

The Babylon Bee Presents: The 12 Most Inspiring Verses In The Bible

As every good Christian knows, the best way to study the Bible is to scroll through Instagram and read out-of-context verses that uplift and inspire you! The Babylon Bee hired its scholars to scour...

babylonbee.com
23
33
1
340
84,504
Load more