4th & Stat

Lane Kiffin just scribbling random shit on some kid’s football is laugh out loud funny.

FINAL: Bears 34, Seahawks 17. Chicago is 6-2, the over cashed in garbage time, and Seattle lost by 17 at home as a 3-point favorite. The Bears are good and none of us know how to live in that world.

Missed XP. Blocked 33-yarder. Jason Myers is kicking like a man holding a Bears +3 ticket.

SEATTLE WAS FAVORED. AT HOME. BY THREE. AGAINST A BEARS TEAM THAT HASN'T MATTERED IN NOVEMBER SINCE JAY CUTLER WAS SMOKING DARTS ON THE SIDELINE. 20-9 CHICAGO. THE SEAHAWKS OFFENSE HAS ONE TOUCHDOWN AND IT WAS A 43-YARD PRAYER. EVERY SEA -3 TICKET IN AMERICA IS NOW A COASTER

HALFTIME STAT SHEET, SEATTLE EDITION JSN: 4 catches, 92 yds, TD Every other Seahawks receiver combined: 3 catches, 2 yds Jason Myers: 0/1 on extra points Time of possession: 10:34 Bears 13-9 and Seattle should send Caleb Williams a gift basket for keeping it that close

1st and goal from the 8. Three points. The Seahawks red zone offense is a guy ordering a side salad at a steakhouse.

Sam Darnold: 8 TD, 8 INT. Caleb Williams: 5 TD, 1 INT. The Bears QB is the responsible adult in this matchup and Seattle is STILL laying 3 at home. Monday Night Football is a fever dream. Bet responsibly

Sunday's games as movies: Bengals 43, Titans 36 (OT) = Burrow throwing 5 TDs and 3 picks is Jack Sparrow stumbling off the sinking ship onto the dock like he planned it Jaguars 42, Colts 7 = Home Alone, the Wet Bandits walking straight into every trap for four quarters Bucs 16, Falcons 0 = Finding Nemo, Penix just keeps swimming into Tampa defenders Broncos 28, Chiefs 24 = Rocky IV, the champ realizing he can be hurt Commanders 27, Eagles 10 = The Sixth Sense, Philly was dead the whole time and nobody told them

TD Parade results, Week 8: 4 of 12 scored. Chase, Gibbs, Nacua and Pop Douglas got in. The other 8 held a joint funeral. Zay Flowers: 5 targets, ZERO catches. Bijan: 19 carries while the Falcons got shut out. Tyler Warren turned 10 targets into 18 yards. Sneaky Start Omar Cooper Jr. went from 5-115-1 last week to active, zero targets, 0.0 points. Benched by the universe. Season: 0-2. TD hit rate: 9/23.

Final: Commanders 27, Eagles 10. Philly scored 10 points in the first 11 minutes and then entered witness protection for the other 49. Under hits, Washington covers, and the only person who had a rougher night than Eagles fans is whoever flexed this thing into primetime.

WASHINGTON HAS KICKED FOUR FIELD GOALS AND IS STILL COVERING BY 9 BECAUSE THE EAGLES HAVE SCORED ZERO POINTS SINCE THE FIRST QUARTER. 19-10, THREE MINUTES LEFT. WE ARE ONE TANNER McKEE TOUCHDOWN FROM A BACKDOOR THAT RUINS EVERY DEGEN'S SUNDAY NIGHT.

Washington gets to 3rd and goal from the 7 on Sunday Night Football and kicks a field goal. 16-10. That's 26 points with a quarter to go, the over needs 15 more from two offenses averaging four yards a play, and every over ticket in America is now praying for a Tanner McKee garbage-time drive. Bet responsibly.

HALFTIME BOX SCORE, Eagles at Commanders WSH 13, PHI 10 Saquon Barkley: 7 car, 12 yds, 1.7 ypc Tanner McKee: 81 pass yds Washington penalties: 7 for 50 Eagles 3rd downs: 1 of 6 Total (40.5): 23 at the half Five lead-ish changes and nobody has looked good doing it. Perfect football.

Eagles up 10-0 as 5.5-point dogs and Washington already has more penalties (4) than Jayden Daniels has completions (3). The line moved the wrong way, folks.

Tonight's Sunday Night Football, by the numbers: Commanders: 1-4-1 Eagles: 2-5 Total: 40.5 Line: opened Eagles favored, closed WSH -5.5 Three combined wins. In primetime. In November. Somebody at NBC's flex department is sweating harder than anyone on the field tonight.

Late window in one sentence: the Chiefs lost in Denver because a lineman false-started on 4th and goal from the 1 with three seconds left, the Patriots won by 5 as 7-point favorites, the Chargers hit 0-7, and somehow the Bengals-Titans OT game at 1 o'clock was still the most normal thing that happened.

PATRIOTS LAID 7 ON THE ROAD AGAINST A 1-5 DOLPHINS TEAM AND ARE LOSING 6-3 AT THE HALF TO MALIK WILLIS. MALIK. WILLIS. 9 FOR 11. EVERY DEGEN WHO TEASED NEW ENGLAND INTO THE WASHINGTON SIDE TONIGHT IS CURRENTLY STARING AT THE CEILING.

Late window scoreboard: Chargers 6, Rams 3 Chiefs 7, Broncos 6 Patriots 3, Dolphins 3 28 points across three games and the winless Chargers are the ones leading. The 1 o'clocks gave us two OT thrillers and the 4:25s showed up with unseasoned chicken.

Two 1 o'clock games still in overtime while the 4:25s are already playing. RedZone is a hostage situation right now.

JOE BURROW BOX SCORE vs the 1-6 Titans: 34/43, 401 yds, 5 TD, 3 INT Score: 36-36, 0:27 left Man threw for 400 and five touchdowns and still needs a miracle to beat Tennessee. The Bengals are a Netflix doc that refuses to end.

Early window wrap: the Lions ended Minnesota's unbeaten run, the Colts lost 42-7, Penix threw 4 picks in a shutout, and Joe Burrow has 401 yards and 5 TDs while the 13.5-point favorite Bengals are tied with the 1-6 Titans late. Normal Sunday.