Bringing you 'updates' from the treatment table and some of the best alternative medicinal tips. Believe at your own risk.
Joined November 2010
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In other news: it turns out Rosicky wasn't injured, just locked in a dressing room locker since May and, fingers crossed, fit again soon.
*Non-football Tweet begins* @velvettrumpet are walking 200 miles (!) from here to Swansea to raise money for next play goo.gl/LJpxT
You know when you're doing a puzzle & you can't find the last piece? That's what treating Diaby is like. I swear his toe was on the side...
The team is on capable left-back alert as Kieran Gibbs might return after his scientist father shrunk him & his mates to the size of insects
Be-gloved box rusher-outer number 1 back in contention, if not in goal. Be-gloved box rusher-outer number 3 set to continue.
We forgot we were meant to be treating players and booked a holiday, our apologies, Arsene. Just got back, team news to follow.
We'll be supporting a drawer in the Man U - Chelsea game later. Let us know how the match goes. twitpic.com/b88lrj
What *a* lonesome turd of a performance, even. Can't type - must be that weed we split with the players pre-match.
Podolski isn't taking part today as he's booked annual leave so he can stay at home and sign for a delivery.
Diaby saw the team news so many times in his timeline that his eyes exploded. Now it's incorrect so you might as well tweet it again w/o him
After a rare sighting of the lesser spotted Chamakh in midweek, he’s fit and ready to go. Look out, Chelsea. #AMTnews