Daniel Mullenax

Sometimes the person making you hide how you feel is you. It's you calling yourself weak for being tired or scared, so you keep working and say you're fine. Before you do that again, ask yourself: What did I feel today that I couldn't show? Then say your answer to yourself anyway.

At work, you keep your guard up so nobody sees you struggling. You can't rest while it's still up, and it doesn't come down just because you clocked out. When you get home tonight, ask yourself: What did I feel today that I couldn't show? Then name it. One word is enough.

A job full of friendly people can still leave you lonely. You laugh at the right times and say you're good, but so little of your day is about you. Tonight, ask yourself: What did I feel today that I couldn't show? Then give it one plain word, like tired or scared.

Did you have to apologize exactly the way your parent wanted? If the words they demanded blamed you for something you did not do, repeating them was not the same as taking responsibility. An apology should be honest about what happened.

Did your parent walk away when you were upset? You needed your parent to come back and help with what upset you. Taking a break to calm down is different from leaving a child to deal with the problem alone.

Being afraid of how people will react isn't a flaw. At some point, keeping people happy was how you protected yourself. But the fear doesn't turn off. It shows up with people who would never hurt you. So when it shows up, ask yourself: Has this person actually given me a reason to be afraid?

Being afraid of how people will react isn't a flaw. At some point, keeping people happy was how you protected yourself. But the fear doesn't turn off. It shows up with people who would never hurt you. So when it shows up, ask yourself: Has this person actually given me a reason to be afraid?

Your stress response is there for a reason. But an alarm that never turns off does more harm than good.

Getting everything done doesn't mean you're okay. A lot of what you do in a day, you do because you're afraid of how someone will react. Before you say yes, ask yourself one question. Do I actually want to do this, or am I afraid of what will happen if I don't?

Living in fear of how people will react doesn't just wear you out. Stress that never lets up is linked to poor sleep, high blood pressure, heart trouble and getting sick more often. Now picture ten more years of that. So before you say yes today, ask yourself: Do I actually want to do this, or am I afraid of what will happen if I don't?