@AverageSizeAndy

Opinions are my own. Never take me serious. Not here for politics. I like jokes. Part-time underwear model. Operation Egg Salad Veteran. PHD in Food Science.

 Upstate, NY
Joined February 2011
  • Tweets91.5K
  • Following3.4K
  • Followers3.7K
11.1KMedia
What did I learn? Nothing, because I’m an idiot. I really hope no one takes this serious. 😂
Dominie 🇺🇸
@price_dominieAug 18
What did I learn? A dress is easier than an insulated rain poncho. (If you’re going to do dumb stuff, be safe, do it without ammo)
75
10
11
320
36,529
Can’t RN… Watching Can’t Hardly Wait.
2
18
321
Let me help this little fella out quick… If you think you’re gonna get under my skin, you’re barking up the wrong tree pal…
Legal Eagle 🦅@AllThingsCivil3h
Replying to @AverageSizeAndy
If you spend this much time @ employers maybe you can find a job, pulling for you bro
4
30
609
It’s called the Sun…. Very hot at the border area.
Insider Wire
@InsiderWire5h
#BREAKING: The Pentagon allows DHS to test a heat ray weapon for possible use at the border.
3
1
39
560
My mom just said I looked like Ben Affleck? 😂
34
2
3
65
1,561
Gotta shave in a couple days. 😢
30
2
124
1,347
Deport Donovan!!!
DH Guns Cannon@CannonLastStand8h
VIVA LA MEXICO
16
374
I sure hope @HackingButLegal doesn’t charge me for the attention she gave me……
9
4
85
875
Guess she’s not gonna be honest then…. Ah well. Thanks for the attention and all.
23
7
141
2,162
Someone save me!!!
Goose@gooooooooo0se13h
Replying to @AverageSizeAndy
@AverageSizeAndy
10
58
602
Had a dream last night where I was attacked by an Anglerfish…. Which I’m pretty sure is impossible.
29
118
1,337
The Terminal List season 2 is on Amazon.
15
1
47
1,091
TOLD YOU!!!!
🤖 Made with AI
22
92
1,442
@jacktogon just picked these bad boys up!
1
5
136
I’m gonna say it based off watching gameplay…. The reworked DMZ mode in Modern Warfare looks fun.
1
34
622
He better beat up Bruce Lee again!
DiscussingFilm
@DiscussingFilmOct 20
New look at Brad Pitt as Cliff Booth in David Fincher's ‘THE FURTHER MIS-ADVENTURES OF CLIFF BOOTH’. In IMAX theaters on November 25. (Source: empireonline.com/movies/news…)
5
49
855
I’ve heard that Mercury and Uranus are in Gatorade. Prepare for things to get weird.
15
7
3
117
2,100
Bro over here has an inverted penis!
unavailable
11
36
521
I had nothing to do with it.
Andrea Long@AndreaL7886Oct 10
Does the @CIA not recruit on Saturday? Hire me damnit. Kim Jong Un needs to be dealt with!
6
1
1
65
1,261
Adding “Tiptoeing in my Jordans” to my resume, under skills.
9
1
117
1,464
Load more