Alipe BUGINGO

"I have everything I once wanted. So why am I still not happy?” I encounter this struggle often in my work, including among people in professional and business circles. People who have worked hard, built careers, achieved financial security, supported their families, and reached milestones they once only dreamed of. From the outside, life seems to be going well. But privately, some feel frustrated by the gap between the life they have built and how they actually feel. And sometimes, what makes it harder is that they don’t feel they have a good enough reason to struggle emotionally. How do you explain to someone that you are not feeling okay when, by many measures, you are doing well? What do you tell a counselor or therapist when you cannot point to one particular thing that is wrong? Perhaps this feeling is close to your home? You remember what life used to be like when you were younger. You remember the things you went without, the responsibilities you carried, and the promises you made to yourself about the kind of life you would one day build. Maybe you were the child who worried about the family, looked after your siblings, or learned to put your own needs aside because there was already so much for everyone else to deal with. You told yourself that things would be different when you grew up. When you had a good job, enough money, a home of your own, and the freedom to make your own choices, perhaps you would finally feel at peace. And in many ways, you have made it. Life has changed. You have opportunities you once wished for. You can do things for yourself and your family that were once beyond your reach. So why is it still difficult to feel Amahoro yo mu mutima (peace of mind)? Why do you sometimes feel guilty when you rest? Why do you keep anticipating what could go wrong, even when things are going well? Why do you find yourself taking responsibility for everyone around you, even when you no longer have to carry so much? And why, after working so hard to build a better life, can it still be difficult to enjoy it? Sometimes, the way we learned to live through difficult times stays with us long after those circumstances have changed. If you spent years worrying, you may have become accustomed to anticipating problems. If you learned early that other people’s needs came before yours, looking after yourself may still feel uncomfortable. If being responsible helped you get through difficult circumstances, slowing down may feel unfamiliar, even when you can finally afford to rest. Your life may have changed, but you may still be responding to it in ways you learned when life was much harder. This may not explain everything you are feeling. There are many reasons a person can struggle to feel fulfilled, even when life is going well. But perhaps it is worth asking yourself whether you have given yourself permission to live differently now that some things have changed. You are allowed to stop carrying responsibilities that are no longer yours. You are allowed to rest without first exhausting yourself. You are allowed to enjoy what you have built without constantly preparing for the next difficulty. And you are allowed to seek psychological support, even when you cannot point to a crisis or explain exactly what is wrong. You do not have to wait until things fall apart. You do not have to compare your struggles with someone else’s. And you do not have to convince yourself that your pain is serious enough before you can talk about it. You have spent so much of your life working towards a better future. Perhaps part of the work now is learning how to feel at home in the life you have built. You do not have to be falling apart to deserve care. With compassion, @Umwegamirwa If this letter puts words to something you have struggled to explain, perhaps someone you know needs to hear it, too. Share it with them. Sometimes, feeling understood is the first step towards asking for help.