Chris Brian

If you’re a coach who wants to challenge players while building awesome relationships, you should read this. The problem is . . . challenging players in uncomfortable ways is absolutely necessary for excellence but risks turning them off, damaging trust, and undermining confidence. They seem to work against each other. But it only seems that way. The truth is . . . you can challenge players incredibly hard AND build deep trust. They're not opposites. The key is making players feel how the challenge comes from caring, not instead of it. Most players in your program have never experienced that from a coach. They’ve had intense coaches who challenged and caring coaches who connected, but not a coach that does both. At the same time. Here’s the phrase to use —> “High love with high standards.” That's the phrase you need to repeat over and over and over. To yourself. To your players. To their parents. To your staff. 1000x a week. High love is high standards. Lowering standards is not a sign that you care. It’s not an act of love. It’s an act of fear. Soft coaching is the opposite of love. It says, "I don't think you're capable of more or better." High standards is high love. Holding high standards doesn’t require that you withhold love or connection. A player’s connection with you (and teammates) is the single most powerful force you can tap into to drive high standards. People will do anything for the people they love. Every player is a person first, a player second. Show each player you see them as person first. Before practice, during water breaks, after mistakes, when they’re struggling. Learn their unique desires fast. Ask about specific details in their lives, not just “How’s school? How’s your family?”. Notice their effort, not just their results. When they feel that YOU are FOR them, they'll run through walls for you. Then bring the intensity. "Not good enough! You can do better! You must be better than that!" When a kid knows you love him and believe in him, he hears your challenges totally different. Your challenges become proof that you care. But only if THE PERSON believes you care about him specifically. It’s now how much you think you care. It’s how much the person believes you care. E+R=O helps you stay clear, disciplined, and confident as a coach: The OUTCOME you want is better performance and a stronger relationship, improvement AND connection. You don't have to pick one or the other. Your EVENT is their performance (effort, focus, execution). Your RESPONSE is direct, honest feedback—HIGH LOVE + HIGH STANDARDS —delivered with energy and belief. Players WANT a coach who expects excellence. They just need to know you won't abandon them when they struggle, fall short, or fail. So challenge them in the moment, then reinforce the relationship immediately after. "That was sloppy. Focus and fix it. You can do this. Now let's go." High love with high standards. 1000x a week. Watch your players, and your relationships with them, transform.