Get ready liver, daddy got yelled at during the team meeting today

“When can I see you?” I’ll tweet in a little bit, you can like it then

I can’t flirt but I promise I’ll laugh at everything you say

For Halloween someone should go as the loml

My love language is spicy margaritas and decent tweets

Unfortunately I do love $20 cocktails and laughing with the bros

(Flirting) I could listen to you be wrong for hours

Liking my tweets lowers your cortisol and keeps you beautiful

Taking a break from focusing on my mental health and instead focusing on having a four day weekend (which may be good for my mental health)

You miss 100% of the shots you don’t tweet

Please stop becoming girl bosses, we need more Twitter personalities

Can I come over and start putting up Christmas lights

I’m actually really funny once you get to know me (takes 1-2 years)

Friends with benefits and the benefit is you get to help me write my tweets

“Just be yourself” I see your point, but that’s actually the main problem here

Canceling all my meetings today just to feel something

You’re in her DMs, I’m outside her house with my JBL speaker

“Can you explain your thought process behind this?” Absolutely not, it would ruin the surprise

“I read something the other day” - me as soon as I share about a tweet I saw that is probably untrue

No babe I love your multiple personalities, the stable ones scare me

In dog years it’s already Friday