@CobraCommander

How dare you anticipate my strategy!

 Cobra Island
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cobra_Commander
Joined May 2008
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  • Followers116K
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Will I disavow the Dreadnoks? Sure. Yeah. Absolutely. They smell like bayou patchouli and generational failure. I’d carpet bomb the Everglades if I thought it would eradicate them forever. Next question?
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Gas wars? American Popes fighting technoligarchs over sentient AIs? Russian plague?! I love this timeline! MORE
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Every time you protest a data center, you’re taking away American jobs. Jobs that could be building Cobra an army of battle androids.
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So first we make gas hit $6, maybe $7/gal here, here, here, here, and here. Then
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Don’t be ridiculous. AI isn’t going to kill you. Cobra is going to kill you.
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I’m very sorry for your loss. Dolly was a terribly attractive woman.
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You’re trying to defeat Cobra? On the one night a year it’s legal for single people to have sex?!
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Remember what you’re missing, America.
Cobra Commander@CobraCommander16 Nov 2022
Ok, fine! Here’s my presidential platform: ☀️ Abolish daylight saving time 🏥 Free universal healthcare 🪓 Lawsuits are to the death 🍦 Fix McDonald’s icecream machines 🐍 Your politicians work for COBRA! 🎃 Make Halloween a national holiday on the Saturday closest to Oct 31st
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Somebody get these beggars out of here!
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Gym Bro Skeletor is gonna be a banger Halloween costume this year
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I don’t need to test my troopers’ testosterone levels — they’re foot soldiers in the Cobra cause. World domination! Of course they have unhealthy levels of hormones coursing through their veins!
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My mind palace is wall-to-wall brutalist architecture.
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It’s only a “midterm” election if you plan on sticking to their schedule.
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Yes, yessss, the new movie rumors are flying. Of course Hollywood wants me back on the silver screen! But if they do me dirty again I’ll show the casting director the real meaning of a headshot.
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Cobra will be airdropping a selection of fruits and vegetables over your major population centers this week. 100% organic and diarrhea-free. Pinky promise!
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Your politicians are so inept they’re going to end up making the wrong time permanent. Fools!
Cobra Commander@CobraCommander10 Mar 2025
Daylight Saving Time, you nasty bitch.
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At least I would’ve been tasteful about the whole thing.
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You could’ve appointed me to the vacant Senate seat! I’m a man of the people! I’ve never stepped foot in South Carolina, but my people assure me it exists.
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Wait — has the parrot been ratatouilling this seaman the whole time? That might change my perspective on the situation.
Cobra Commander@CobraCommanderJul 13
Don’t worry, America! Your government has sent their best to secure the Strait of Hormuz. And also a parrot for some reason.
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Don’t worry, America! Your government has sent their best to secure the Strait of Hormuz. And also a parrot for some reason.
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