Colin

Defying all other before me, I, this tweet, vault myself to the top for always and forever to become the coveted and treasured PINNED TWEET.

👀👀👀

An ump cam but instead it’s mounted to my uvula, watching me floss

expert in american-italian folklore here: this is likely the doing of the infamous Gabaghoul (sketch attached). he is said to roam the NJ woods, leaving piles of pasta in his tracks. this is the evidence our community has been looking for, thank you

For no one in particular but myself, I wrote about Emily in Paris & the ubiquity of product placement. (SPOILER: You will probably want to try a McBaguette.) imightbeoverthinkingthisbut.…

Screaming "If you or a loved one has been diagnosed with Mesothelioma you may be entitled to financial compensation" at the tv so I can keep watching shark tank

i understand he has a medical condition that compels him to lie constantly, but could they have made the staged picture + caption a little less like something from the onion

this is actually a cool investment, which means that you can't knock them for it

if this is my last tweet, i want it to be about bringing awareness to the vulgar word function on google dictionary

This is what happens when Cuties start hanging around with the wrong crowd

Boingo airport Wi-Fi when you want an extra hour

Dan Akroyd and Chevy Chase lookin a little different than I remember

GBBO baker: so for my showstopper, I’ll be setting off 50 pounds of fireworks in the tent Paul Hollywood: *furtive glance* hmmm hope that’ll be enough, good luck *walks away* Baker: so yeah I’m thinking I might make it 60 pounds of fireworks

hey man, you doing ok? i heard what they said about your mom. i think "pumpkin" is going a little too far, but hey, at least she won the damn thing, right?

Fran kfurt

Apple really outdid themselves with the new customization options