Connor McMahon

When Paul Gascoigne arrived at Middlesbrough from Rangers in 1998, Bryan Robson knew he was getting a brilliant footballer, but he also knew there was going to be a fair bit of trouble keeping him out of mischief. “He just loved playing football. The hardest thing was trying to keep him calm, and stopping him making any rash decisions.” And it wasn’t long before Robson found out exactly what that meant. Middlesbrough had just bought themselves a brand-new team coach, complete with just about every luxury the players could want. It had cost around £400,000, and the club were preparing to use it for their away trip to Aston Villa. The players were at the training ground getting ready to leave when Gazza spotted the coach sitting there with the keys still in the ignition. He had been planning to visit the local bookies to put some bets on for a few of the lads. And rather than finding somebody to give him a lift, he decided to take the team coach. He jumped into the driver’s seat, started the engine and set off towards the nearest high street. “That lasted about 100 yards.” Gazza got to the end of the road leading out of the training ground, tried to turn right and smashed the side of the coach into a concrete bollard. The side of the bus was completely caved in, and the luggage compartments containing the players’ kit had been crushed so badly that nobody could get them open. The coach hadn’t even made its first proper journey and Gazza had already wrecked it. After crashing the coach he managed to get it over towards a bus stop where two old ladies were waiting. He opened the doors and shouted: “Anyone going to Darlington?” He eventually got out and handed the keys to somebody standing nearby, leaving the club’s bus driver, Brendan Greenwood, to discover what had happened. “When I saw what had happened I nearly cried. If I’d caught up with him I would have throttled him.” By this point Gazza had to explain to Bryan Robson why Middlesbrough’s brand-new coach was no longer sitting outside the training ground. “Gazza, where’s the bus?” “It’s in the f****** trees, gaffer, it’s f*****.” Robson couldn’t believe what he was hearing. “Gazza, that’s a £400,000 bus…” The bus was unusable, the players couldn’t get their kit out, and Middlesbrough were supposed to be on their way to Villa Park. They had to arrange another coach and get replacement shirts sent directly to the ground. By the time everything had been sorted the team were several hours behind schedule. Gazza eventually appeared in Robson’s office looking rather sheepish. Robson told him he hoped every horse he’d backed that afternoon came in first, because he was going to be paying for the damage himself. He also fined him two weeks’ wages. Middlesbrough eventually made it to Aston Villa, where they lost 3-1. And Robson was left with a disciplinary problem he had probably never imagined dealing with when he went into management. “I suppose not many managers have had to punish a player for crashing the team coach.”