"If there's one thing it teaches kids, it's not to walk down the middle of the road."
Episode 77: Mario is Missing
"I can't fit this god forsaken piece of shit in the electric outlet, unless there's nothing next to it. What a fuckin' hog! That's what it is: a self indulgent, glutton of a power hog!"
Episode 45: Doublevision (Part 2) ColecoVision
Submitted from our Discord!
"It's one of the most nerve wracking pieces of shit on the Super Nintendo! By all definitions, this IS Nosferatu: The INSUFFERABLE ONE!"
Episode 219: Nosferatu
“Like what is this? He shoots fireballs out his dick? Or maybe it's a gaping flame vagina? Who the fuck knows; somebody was not right in the head. This game is fuckin' horrible!”
Episode 66: Atari Jaguar (Part 2)
Submitted from our Discord!
"No degeneracy is low enough to satisfy the shit-seeking gamer who decides to play Barbie on NES."
Episode 102: Barbie (The Making of an AVGN Episode)
"Your meticulous, obsessive detail and unraveling these unconquered shit saucers is a heroic duty... doody... that remains unmatched. So we thank you, video game walkthrough heroes!"
Episode 220: Blaster Master
"And what a perfect visual analogy. Sega invented the 32X to increase the lifespan of the Genesis. And that's exactly what the friggin thing looks like - it's on life support."
Episode 26: Sega 32x
Submitted from our Discord!
"I surrounded myself with fucking garbage!"
Episode 117: Wish List Part 2
Submitted by @SRVNDRSM
"She's giving birth to a solar baby!"
Episode 68: Odyssey
Submitted by @DestinyBond_GG
"The first thing that bothers me is the actual manual. Halloween, Halloween. Just in case we didn't see it the first time."
Episode 36: Halloween
"This game is boring "as" fuck. The graphics are ugly "as" shit. The music is "like" having your ear holes fucked repeatedly by a flaming demon dildo. You see, I just shared three similes with you."
Episode 155: Lightspan Adventures
"Bruce Lee's relative is so powerful, he's the equivalent of a thousand nukes! He's gonna murder the entire population of China by snapping people's necks!"
Episode 134: Hong Kong 97
Submitted from our Discord!
"The Genesis version was bad, but this one fucks you harder than life itself! It's like mixing shit with turds! It's the most heinously anus thing ever conceived by humankind! It's a curse to the soul, and it must suffer the tortures of the damned!"
Episode 105: Dark Castle
“Milon's Secret Castle! More like Milon's SHITTY ASSHOLE! Looks like it could've been a good game, but instead, they were just fuckin' jerkin' off!”
Episode 64: Milon's Secret Castle
Submitted from our Discord!
"See, LJN was like a cat, and the NES library was its litter box. When the litter box gets too shitty... the cat shits somewhere else."
Episode 135: Darkwing Duck
"All it does is get me stuck like a fly-on-fly paper. And please explain this to me, why does he need to climb a ladder when he can climb the walls? Makes the ladder seem a little rather superfluous, don't you think?"
Episode 227: Werewolf the Last Warrior
From our Discord!




















