“Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage.” -Lao Tzu ❤️
Joined January 2024
- Tweets7K
- Following195
- Followers166
- Likes13.4K
My step sons told me I was the opposite of an evil stepmother and called me a fairy stepmother.
That may be the greatest compliment ever 🥹
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I’m so sleep deprived I asked @trueLiberalist if he needed a bracelet for his waist.
I was talking about a belt.
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I take better naps in my car than I do at home. You can find me asleep in some parking lot at a park, store, or gas station looking homeless. Turns out what I need to truly relax is the complete absence of a house.
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I’ve lost more hair in the past week than the entire 40 weeks of my pregnancy. This postpartum hair shedding stinks. I could carpet the bathroom with all this hair loss.
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There is a line of women waiting for this TJ Maxx/Home Goods store to open.
Makes me wonder if there is something special about today or is this an everyday thing.
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Me: what kind of cake do you want me to make you for your birthday?
Son (about to be 11): Funfetti! And I like it when you make those big donut cakes.
Me: You mean a Bundt cake?
Son: Yeah! Butt cake!
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Instead of spending $6.29, you could just use an old plastic cup.
Save your money and get a coffee. It’s basically free with the money you’re not spending on this. Girl math.
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I ask my husband to hold the baby for just a minute so I can grab something from the car. By the time I return, 2 ladies are swooning over my boys.
Excuse me, they’re with me!
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My electric toothbrush stopped working. The good news is, it’s still a toothbrush. Just analog now.
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Dee True Queen 👑 🌸 retweeted
If you ever come home to ice in the bathtub, just know it’s probably because I dropped my margarita in the shower.
Sisqo had “Thong Song.”
Bach had “Air on the G String.”
Different centuries, same strategy. If you want to make a lasting impression on music history, you need to write about lady undergarments.
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My mom has done this after not being able to finish the entirety of her fish bowl drink. She barely spilled a drop.
🍹
This quoted post is unavailable.
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