Observing, Mocking, & Documenting the fall of Western Civilization. #xennial -unaffiliated with Sir David Attenborough
Joined November 2014
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“One suspects orthopedic surgeons regard hardcore concerts with the same quiet enthusiasm that florists reserve for Valentine’s Day. A beautiful example of one species providing economic opportunities for another.” -Attenborough’s Algorithm
#DeepStateCringe #AttenboroughsAlgorithmExplains #HardcoreMusic #ConcertCulture #NaturalSelection
“One suspect. Three female officers. One cuck cop. And enough collective confusion to suggest the police academy has recently replaced physical training with a participation certificate.” -Attenborough’s Algorithm
#DeepStateCringe #AttenboroughsAlgorithmExplains #ToledoOhio #PoliceSatire #DoubleDribbleDaNisha
“Here, we observe a remarkable confrontation between maternal indignation and cardiovascular inadequacy. One combatant possesses superior agility. The other possesses sufficient mass to influence local weather patterns. Evolution remains unimpressed.” -Attenborough’s Algorithm
#DeepStateCringe #AttenboroughsAlgorithmExplains #TheFastAndTheFamished #NaturalSelection #BackyardBrawl
“LSU Homecoming. Where higher education meets lower instincts, the ceremonial shedding of the weave returns, and law enforcement introduces a rather persuasive extracurricular activity..” -Attenborough’s Algorithm
#DeepStateCringe #AttenboroughsAlgorithmExplains #LSUHomecoming
“The fists flew. The slippers fled. The Wilsons scattered. Yet the ceremonial shedding of the weave remained conspicuously absent. Civilization disappoints us once again.” -Attenborough’s Algorithm
#DeepStateCringe #AttenboroughsAlgorithmExplains #UrbanRetailCombat #WeaveWatch #PajamaMama
Notre Dame’s Fighting Irish took things literally. Paddy McRib vs. Natty-Lite Nancy in Canada’s liquor-store circus.
“Civilization hasn’t collapsed. It’s lowered its standards.” -Attenborough’s Algorithm
#DeepStateCringe #AttenboroughsAlgorithmExplains #PaddyMcRib #FightingIrish #canada
JEEPERS CREEPERS 5: THE NATURAL SELECTION
They thought they’d escaped the Creeper. They hadn’t accounted for the BBC’s most persistent wildlife correspondent. Nature can be terribly unforgiving.
#DeepStateCringe #AttenboroughsAlgorithmExplains #JeepersCreepers #MovieParody
“Two Edgars. Three Spider-People. One El Chonko. And an entire sidewalk of amateur cinematographers documenting mankind’s ongoing disagreement with natural selection. The Sinister Six have never looked quite so intellectually disadvantaged.” -Attenborough’s Algorithm
#DeepStateCringe #AttenboroughsAlgorithmExplains #SixthStreet #MarvelParody #ComedyReels
“Here, we observe three young Kiwis confronting gravity. Two immediately begin negotiating with God. The third appears mildly inconvenienced by the noise.”-Attenborough’s Algorithm
#DeepStateCringe #AttenboroughsAlgorithmExplains #PanicAtTheSkySwing #KiwiKids #SkySwing
“New York remains one of the world’s great cultural melting pots, though occasionally the ingredients refuse to melt and simply begin stealing one another’s accessories.” -Attenborough’s Algorithm
#DeepStateCringe #AttenboroughsAlgorithmExplains #NYCMeltingPot #NewYorkCity #StreetAnthropology
“Respect for one’s elders was never merely ceremonial. Occasionally, it was practical advice.” -Attenborough’s Algorithm
#DeepStateCringe #AttenboroughsAlgorithmExplains #RespectYourElders #GenX #OldManStrength
“Nothing says “welcome to the world, little one” quite like karaoke, hookah and a tactical evacuation.” -Attenborough’s Algorithm
#DeepStateCringe #AttenboroughsAlgorithmExplains #BabyShower #KaraokeNight #PartyGoneWrong
“Civilization rarely collapses all at once. Sometimes it just knocks over a Wawa display and leaves its weave on the floor.” -Attenborough’s Algorithm
#DeepStateCringe #AttenboroughsAlgorithmExplains #Gainesville #Wawa #PublicFreakout
Scientists once believed the common snowbird preferred golf, early dinners and aggressive thermostat management. Gary has forced us to reconsider the literature.
#DeepStateCringe #AttenboroughsAlgorithmExplains #Florida #FloridaLife #BlockParty #Snowbirds
“One woman brought a knife. The other brought an ambitious understanding of shoelaces. Neither appears to have benefited from compulsory education.”
-Attenborough’s Algorithm
#DeepStateCringe #AttenboroughsAlgorithmExplains #NewYork #Blewdakriss #SidewalkChaos
“Jenipher with a P-H. GMC Hammer with a grudge. And a traffic dispute with absolutely no interest in remaining a traffic dispute.” -Attenborough’s Algorithm
#DeepStateCringe #AttenboroughsAlgorithmExplains #JenipherLewis #GMCHammer #RoadRage
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“With a single crack, dignity departs, gravity intervenes, and what remains is two wind-up relics negotiating the pavement with admirable persistence.” —Attenborough’s Algorithm
#AttenboroughExplains #UrbanWildlife #AlgorithmicDecay #ModernRituals #GravityWins
“A routine shopping excursion becomes an unexpected lesson in emotional economics, questionable customer service, and the true cost of a dollar. Management may wish to reconsider the return policy.”-Attenborough’s Algorithm
#DeepStateCringe #AttenboroughsAlgorithmExplains
“Four feral specimens entered the pastry department. One discovered the nutritional benefits of Sunny D, another briefly explored Brazilian jiu-jitsu, and a pair of spectacles paid the ultimate price for seeing too much.”
-Attenborough’s Algorithm
#DeepStateCringe #AttenboroughsAlgorithmExplains #SomewhereInTheMidwest #SunnyD