The Duel Observer

Do you remember when you joined X? I do! #MyXAnniversary

BREAKING: A Completely Average Hamilton Student Did Something Somewhere

Happy move in day! You don’t know it yet, but you’re actually in a Bundy forced triple. This is because I am under your bed. Don’t worry, I don’t take up much space.

As your favorite publication, you should feel inclined to save me a room in root

Giving Venus the latest edition of the duel

update it’s going to be tomorrow at ambiguous time instead

BREAKING: Duel Observer TikTok Filming Day, Pull Up To Be Featured, 3:00 Martins Way

NOT SO BREAKING NEWS: I got called sophomoric today and I don’t know whether to be insulted or proud

BREAKING NEWS: schlong lol

CONFESSIONAL: It was me - I was the one who laid all the Easter eggs

BREAKING: We’re Back Bitches

BREAKING: Help! A Gay Man Won’t Stop Kissing Me On The Cheek On The New York City Shuttle

BREAKING: Student Breaks The Clutches Of Society By Hobbyhorsing Through Commons At Noon

what’s your autobody count?

Current Events Column: Sluttin It Up In The KJ Atrium

In This Edition: DARLINGGGGG! GUESS WHO’S BACK FROM JAILLLLL

BREAKING: David Wippman: Full Of Bees?

BREAKING NEWS: Ted Cruz Likes To Piss His Pants Because He Likes How It Feels

BREAKING: Wet Noise is On The Air Again at 5 PM. All Hamiltonians Required to Listen

IN THIS EDITION: We’re Dating