Chugs

yeehaw

I told Bill Gates not to name his tech company after his penis but I gotta give it to him, it was a success

I'm opening a speakeasy for the swoll youths Gonna call it it the Pro Teen Bar

me anytime a famous person accidentally interacts with me in the replies

Dolly had to tell St. Peter her eyes are up here

For Science ::microscope emoji, biology emoji, movie theater emoji::

it's twitter. it's the shitpost app owned by an edgelord billionaire that briefly renamed it titter at corporate headquarters. posting on it is not a serious activity.

goodnight tweeter, see you in a long while ya filthy aminals

Ask not what twitter can do for you, but what you can do for twitter

i just realized it's summer and not winter

my wife not horny: my penits:

you ever consider that that revelation you had whilst phishing out on the three fer 20s brought on the next adult onset allergy you have? yeah you did, because you're smart! And then you realized that causation does not necessarily mean correlation

I've seen many people say "this post wins the internet" but no one can come to consensus on it

sometim rainbruv giv death sometime rainbruv giv laif way she goes bruc

::don't reply guy, don't reply guy, don't reply guy:: ahh fUCK! ::replies guy::

who is in charge of curing #BigHam @BarberShreds do you know?

How I hope Hollywood reads my tweets:

swoons in technicolor seizure

:: wipes ptittle off my forehairs and tweets like Daniel Day Lewis would want me too, vigoursly ::