Fictional Friends

🎵I'm so vain, I always know the song is about me 🎵

My mom was right. I am special.

I sort of have a grasp on what I'm doing on a day to day bases.

I talk about farts way too openly. #reasonswhyimsingle

They call me Broadway. Wherever I go I put on a show.

Person: "It's so nice to meet you!" My first thought: "How do you know it's nice to meet me? I'm a terrible person."

Hitler with cancer. The ultimate skinhead.

Paint me like one of your dank memes

I'm the best at being humble.

I just stepped on about 4 sidewalk cracks. Can someone check on my mom please?

What's up twittersphere?! We're here to give you diarrhea! Shit. I mean jokes... #pun #firsttweet