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I tried to call off today and she's like is it because of Quiddich Champions and I'm like no I'm sick and she's like does Andy pandy puddin pie wanna pway wiff magic bwooms and I'm like I feel much better I'm coming in plus I'm going to kill you.
It's almost Trans Siberian Orchestra season DID YOU SAY TRANS Jesus christ don't give me a heart attack
Something happened and there was a hole in the wall and I put duct tape on it glory hole style and everyone looked at it and laughed the end.
(that's like the 10th version of that tweet I've tried and by far the best)
The Matrix pumps endless spam into your mind seek but do not find over and over never ends I must be and do everything constantly you are nothing you are worthless you are worth nothing you will die alone fade to black you should have never come here
This fucking calendar it said if you had any idea who walks beside you always you would feel no fear and this Karen said is that talking about you you know how you walk around looking at asses and I'm like yeah I'm sure that's what Jesus meant.
I found my soulmate we pitched in on a bag of fruit gushers and we were taking one at a time and I got one with 5 stuck to it so I shoved it in my mouth and we both shouted STILL ONLY COUNTS AS ONE we laughed and laughed and I'm pretty sure the weddings going to be next Halloween
Marie said I think I messed things up for you and I'm like whatdya mean and she's said the new girl said she was going to ask you out and I said he'll say yes definately and she's like how do you know and I'm like well he's really horny. Now I don't know where she went.
Karen brought in a course in miracles calendar and I'm like it's fucking October you cheapskate is THAT the miracle? Savings? Can I learn miracles to get whores to fuck? and she's like jesus christ I just brought in a calendar I wasn't using why are you so mad.
I speak POF maybe I can help. Fun loving and adventurous that means annoying af and expensive always has to be spending money can't ever just do a walk. Also means can only cum in missionary and overcompensating in other areas. Got dumped, hurt - she's gonna hurt back this time.
KISS And Makeup by Gene Simmons was absolutely excellent I couldn't put it down and I wasn't even in the mood for it someone threw it on me and said dude just read 3 pages you'll be hooked even if you don't like KISS.
