Fran Lebowitz Quotes

Think before you speak. Read before you think.

When Republicans say “elite,” they don’t mean “rich.” They love rich people. They mean “smart.”

Truthfully, I really never get lonely. I mean, I certainly can say that there are people that I miss, specific people that I've missed in my life numerous times, some very grievously. But a kind of abstract loneliness? No.

At a certain point you lose interest in yourself, or at least you should. There’s a limit to how long you can think about one person, even if that person is you. I’ve lost interest in the subject.

I’ve missed Toni every day since she died. I’ve known a lot of smart people in my life, but I only ever knew one wise person, and that is Toni.

There is nothing better for a city that a dense population of angry homosexuals.

How can you acquire a sense of humor? The same way you can acquire height.

When I was twelve or thirteen I wanted to be a beatnik as if it were a profession.

My idea of a great literary dinner party is Fran, eating alone, reading a book. That’s my idea of a literary dinner party. When I eat alone, I spend a lot of time, before I sit down to my meager meal, choosing what to read.

I’m an extremely formal eater. I only eat at my table, which I set even if I’m just having an apple.

I figure you have the same chance of winning the lottery whether you play or not.

That should be it for the Oscars. This is a good excuse. They should say, "Well, we’re not going to have it anymore because we don’t want everyone to get hit."

A salad is not a meal. It is a style.

My editor—who, whenever I introduce him as my editor, always says, “easiest job in town”—he says that the paralysis I have about writing is caused by an excessive reverence for the written word, and I think that’s probably true.

I do not want everyone to express themselves. I only want people with talent to express themselves artistically.

The daughter of a friend of mine called me this morning and said, “I can bring an iPhone. I can explain to you how to use it.” And I said, “Not having these things is not an accident.” I know they exist. It’s like not having children: it was no accident.

I happen to love a good run almost as much as sex. Like sex, there are often times I don't think I'm interested until I'm into it. Unlike sex, I do have to get out of bed and into the elements. I hate leaving bed.

I think this era is too interesting. It’s way too interesting. I don’t want to be this interested in this. I have other things I’d rather think about.

As far as wanting to go places, I can’t believe people do it for fun. When I’m in airports, and I see people going on vacations, I think, "How horrible could your life be?"

If you are going to do something, do it halfway.

Sometimes kids come up to me in the streets: "Thank you, thank you for fighting for..." I didn't fight for your rights. I didn't fight for my rights. I just tried to avoid these problems. That's what I did.