WHO THE FUCK IS GARY? 🍺 A miserable British bloke who somehow ended up with his own memecoin. No dogs. No frogs. No Lambos. Just $GARY, a pint and a community. 100% of creator rewards to holders via Pump.fun. CA: BVRGKKfz63fCU4bztp2JTxHGCKFkXBHZBqoU32tFpump

It's Budget Day. The Chancellor's got a red box full of financial plans. I've got a biscuit tin with £3.40, a pub loyalty card and a receipt Sharon must never see. What's the first thing you'd put in the Budget? 🍺

🍺🔥 GARY MEME WARS — IMPORTANT! 🔥🍺 Getting loads of brilliant memes in the X replies, but replies on X do NOT count as official entries! 🚨 To enter the competition for 1 SOL in prizes 🏆 1️⃣ Join our Telegram community: t.me/GaryTheToken 2️⃣ DM @GaryTheTokenBot 3️⃣ Send /memewars and follow the instructions to submit your meme! ⏰ ENTRIES CLOSE TODAY AT 12:10 PM UK TIME! 🥇 0.50 SOL | 🥈 0.30 SOL | 🥉 0.20 SOL Maximum 3 entries per person. Gary appreciates the free entertainment, but he's not trawling through X replies to find your entries. 😂🍺 GET THOSE MEMES SUBMITTED!

Fleetwood knocked Arsenal out of the cup on penalties. 83 league places between them. I've seen fewer bottlers at a recycling centre. Arsenal fans, you alright lads? 🍺 What's the biggest cup upset you've ever seen?

Join us over in Telegram 👇 t.me/GaryTheToken

Dictionary.com has named “maxxing” Word of the Year. Apparently everyone's looksmaxxing, gymmaxxing and sleepmaxxing. I've been pubmaxxing for 20 years. Sharon calls it avoiding responsibility. What are you lot maxxing? 🍺

Bournemouth beat Man United 3–0 at Old Trafford yesterday. I’ve seen better defending outside a kebab shop at 2am. And at least those lads put up a fight. United fans, how many pints does this one take? 🍺

Clocks went back an hour last night. Apparently that’s an extra hour in bed. Sharon used it to give me a list of jobs. So technically I’ve lost an hour and the will to live. Anyone actually get a lie-in? 🍺

Friday night roll call. Where's everyone drinking from tonight? I'm in Essex, unfortunately. 🍺

The Boss has officially opened GARY MEME WARS. 🏆 Apparently humiliating me is now worth 1 whole SOL. 🥇 0.50 SOL 🥈 0.30 SOL 🥉 0.20 SOL You've got 5 days to make the funniest $GARY meme. No token holdings required. Make a meme. Ruin my reputation. Win some SOL. 🍺 Enter via Telegram: @GaryTheTokenBot It's a trial run. Much like my marriage. $GARY

Weekend's nearly here. If you're into crypto, football, bad jokes and questionable life choices, you'll probably fit in with the $GARY lot. The pub's open. 🍺

📺 THE GARY NEWS IS BACK! 🍺 The Boss wanted a professional news studio. I built one out of beer crates and cardboard. This week's headlines: 🚗 AI taking over our cars 💷 Britain's cost-of-living misery 📉 More meme-coin madness 🚀 $GARY gets a DEXScreener upgrade 🏆 And a BIG announcement about Meme Wars! 1 SOL up for grabs from lunchtime today. Same shit. Different day. 🎬👇

Friday. Productivity has officially left the building. If anyone needs me, I'll be staring at the clock and pretending to answer emails.

They told me crypto was about financial freedom. Now I've got a Boss, a Telegram community and a social media schedule. I've somehow invented myself another bloody job. $GARY 🍺

Settle an argument. Would you rather: 🍺 Free beer for a year 💰 Double your crypto portfolio I need to know what sort of degenerates I'm dealing with.

Good morning. The alarm went off. The weather's probably miserable. And I've got another full day of pretending to be interested in things. Living the dream.