I get kind of depressing on here sorry guys @ghostcos1 is my main
Joined November 2024
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I’ve been so horribly nauseous lately, I feel like shit all of the time, I had a breakdown on the roof over nothing, I’m so afraid of missing out in my own life
Kaz retweeted
Ashamed to be alive Zanka. He won’t eat in front of others unless it’s a group meal or he’s being an asshole, he won’t sleep in front of people, he can’t cook if other people are in the kitchen, he doesn’t like when people can watch him put sugar in his tea, nothing none of it
I know I sound like a broken record but I’ve been having more frequent panic attacks and way more nightmares. I can barely get an hour of sleep without waking up with my chest pounding. It’s that same stupid fucking nightmare all the time
I feel like I’m running out of time to do the things I want to do but I literally can’t go do them so every night I go to sleep in a panic because I haven’t used my time well enough, but I can’t do anything to change that
Maybe if I didn’t transition I wouldn’t have started noticing how similar my dad and I are, but I’m eerily like my mom too, but only in the worst ways
Kaz retweeted
Being traumatized by prolonged silence is the worst because how many times can I ask if we're okay before my heart either finally believes it or I have to accept this is unhealthy and tell them we shouldn't be friends anymore because they deserve trust I just can no longer give?
I always feel guilty drinking around people who have poor experiences either alcoholics, but for some reason I also feel like a horrible person for remembering that I also have alcoholism in my blood
Having an alcoholic dad is weird because I like alcohol, but sometimes I remember that he and I have the same usual drink, and it makes my eyes water a little bit, and it makes me a little scared
I’ve been having panic attacks way more frequently and I just don’t fucking know what to do, I hate this, I hate feeling this way
I hate this, how am I suppose to reduce everything I’ve ever had and been for 18 years into some little boxes?
It’s really weird knowing that in less than a month, I’ll be gone, and I’ll likely never speak to him or see him again. We were joking in the kitchen earlier tonight. It made my stomach churn. Was it my fault for being so angry? Was it his fault for making me that way?
