Goat User Stories

ALT A gray-and-black curly sheep with a tousled white forelock and a brown goat peer into the camera at close range, appearing ready to discuss important farm business.

ALT Photo by Sheila Frese. A young tan goat stands on the seat of an open Jeep inside a garage, looking ready to take the wheel for a Route 66 adventure.

ALT Karl, a brown goat with a white blaze on his face, lounges atop a small sand pile while a white goat rests nearby with its back turned. The two goats relax in a dirt paddock beside a concrete building.

ALT Flapjack, a black-and-white goat, stretches to full height beneath a pine tree, nibbling branches overhead while standing in the snow. The tree appears to be an unwilling participant.

ALT A group of goats gathers in a rough pasture near dirt mounds and evergreen trees while one black goat suddenly launches upward in midair like it has received catastrophic Monday morning news. Nearby goats watch the event with varying levels of concern and emotional detachment. The entire scene resembles the first team meeting of the week going off the rails almost immediately.

ALT Three goats make a suspiciously coordinated exit through a dim wooden barn aisle scattered with hay and fluff. A fluffy white goat leads the escape effort in the foreground while two smaller goats follow behind, including one peeking dramatically out from a stall door like it’s checking whether management is nearby. The entire scene looks like employees attempting a stealthy early Friday departure while keeping Slack active on their phones.

ALT Several goats gather beneath large trees in a grassy pasture around an assortment of outdoor chairs, including a bright pink lounge chair and a cushioned papasan-style seat currently occupied by a relaxed goat. One curly-coated goat stands nearby looking deeply managerial, while another approaches from the left like it has concerns about the meeting agenda. The entire scene resembles a startup offsite organized entirely by livestock.

ALT Close-up photo of a black goat named Tater Tot staring directly into the camera with the intense focus of a senior engineer reviewing a risky Friday deploy. The goat has white markings on the forehead and muzzle, ears stretched sideways, and a deeply skeptical expression. Other goats blur into the background like coworkers wisely avoiding involvement.

ALT An extremely close-up photo of a goat pressing its nose and mouth through a chain-link fence while staring directly into the camera. The goat appears deeply determined to participate in the conversation whether invited or not.

ALT A determined brown-and-black goat stretches its head onto a kitchen counter, intensely focused on a small pile of graham crackers near the edge. The goat has the concentrated expression of an employee quietly attempting to secure snacks before anyone notices.

ALT Five goats stand together in a dim barn covered in wood shavings, staring directly at the camera like a leadership committee assembled for a tense strategic meeting. The central goat looks deeply skeptical, while two nearby goats appear to have arrived with only a minimal amount of ears, raising serious concerns about organizational listening practices.

ALT A small brown-and-white goat stands beside a partially built wooden fence, staring intently at a shaggy emu on the other side of a chain-link gate. The scene looks less like a farm enclosure and more like a tense cross-functional governance meeting between two departments with unresolved concerns.

ALT A spotted white goat with a long beard stands beneath the rusty undercarriage of an old truck, surrounded by dangling wires and dirt. The goat stares directly into the camera with the expression of an exhausted infrastructure engineer guarding undocumented legacy systems.

ALT A dramatic illustration of Mount St. Helens erupting, with ash and smoke blasting into the sky while a calm goat stands in the foreground observing the chaos. Large text reads: “May 18, 1980” and below it, “Moments AFTER the Goat Council approved a moderate amount of tomfoolery.”

ALT A charming beige and black goat with a purple collar and beautiful big ears looks at the camera. She is lying in a pile of straw.

ALT Goatrude here with an account of what I did last week: * I spent a great deal of time chewing on the news out of Washington -- most of it was quite distasteful. * After much rumination I discovered a pile of orange poop. I really have to stop eating cheeto pictures. *I spent one day in the company of fiber-loving friends, admiring lovely blue yarn. One yarn was spun by Janet at the Mills in Maine. * I cavorted my way north with a couple of good buddies to visit a friend. She is concerned about her critically ill granddaughter (who is doing well for now). Research on her very rare cancer may have been slowed recently. * At long last I had a day all to myself and hung out with my buddy, Dug and tried to digest the events of the week. cc: Musky Feelon, king of the byre

ALT I've basically been off Twitter (and its other name) for awhile now. But I recently thought about putting together a journal of literary responses in a particular form: - Five bullet points - One cc - Theme: What the speaker (narratively) did last week I also thought, such a thing would become outdated quickly. Could be online only, then, right? And then I thought, "What if my larger following Twitter account with a goat theme went out by sharing such submissions?" I mean, I haven't been posting there, anyway. Its account is GoatUserStories, and even though that format isn't user stories, as they are commonly formed ("As an X--pun intended--I want X--still punning--so that X"), it's still stories from users. So, if you're interested in crafting such a thing and having it shared on the temporary-will-probably-be-banned GoatUserStories twitter account, feel free to DM or otherwise get such submissions to me. I will publish (Tweet) them anonymously (as a screenshot) unless you'd like

ALT A brown and white goat lies on its back, arms aloft. A brown goat with floppy ears looks on, neither interfering nor ignoring.

ALT A brown and white goat sleeps on a warm fleece blanket. A black dog naps nearby.

ALT To white goats sit butt to butt in a toy car filled with straw.