Mr. Gary Allen!

As far as GA is concerned, algorithms are bullshit, and he'll gladly tell you why.

Ever see someone's face turn red on the radio? It happens to the best of us. @VirginiaKVJ wasn't kidding. Go watch the clip of @KVJShow where @kevinrolston gets gaslighted by his wife in "Closest Couple." Are we calling that color "beat red?"

GA's day hasn't started until some guy on Facebook whines at him. Hey, if you're complaining, you're reading, and that means you're a fan.

If there's one sure way to find out exactly how small one's sister-in-law's ass is, suffice it to say GA had in his hot little hands.

Who has balls small enough to think he could rename something that's not his? Visit 723 5th Avenue in New York! #satire

Well, @Rosie , I think we can say that you ate a bag on @JimmyKimmelLive this week. Loved it.

Anyone who texts GA or leaves GA a voicemail message after they dialed a wrong number is actually creating comedy. I'll tell you about it someday.

Hey, @kevinrolston, Gary Alien just watched your reel about prune juice and what happened on @KVJShow . Ain't that some shit? Hope the car interior survived. Splat.

GA gave a lesson yesterday on where to find Jesus. Isn't he Jewish? Well, yeah, but he's a hell of a teacher.

GA could go on talking for days about that bullshit.

Great comedy writes itself. If you haven't seen thr video of @VirginiaKVJ taking on a hot dog, go find it. Then go listen to @KVJShow. Congratulations to all of you for getting signed to be at @979WRMF a while longer! Live, local radio done right.

Feel the power, feel the glow! GA's radio show doesn't drive to Daytona Beach anymore. Our asses fly in style.

That ain't a banana in GA's pocket. You should be joining the party on BlueSky.

It's February 1st! It's freezing at GA headquarters in South Florida! Meanwhile, in Punxatawney, Pennsylvania...

Yeah, yeah. Gary Allen has a joke about this bullshit, too. Thanks to all of you who called, texted, faxed. Next time, I don't need a stripper at my door.

The GA Team just had to recover this account because of sus activity. We don't have that goddamned problem elsewhere.

If there's one thing Gary Allen has learned in the last 30+ years, it's that the weather is usually hot in South Florida.

Gary Allen has heard differing theories on accepting social media friend requests but has his own. What is his secret? See you at the next appearance.

As the late, great Ted Cherry said,"Lemme tell you this." GA's agent smacked it out of the park, talking with someone tonight about an appearance. Hey, Boynton Beach, you could be the next stop while the tour is on hiatus for the holiday.

Nothing sucks worse for a standup comedian than barely being able to stand up. GA's ego is slightly bruised, but OK after a tumble in a parking lot last night laid him out on hot pavement like a pancake on a griddle. There will be a joke about it. You're gonna have to wait.