Humanzee

“I can't stand in line at the store The mean little people are such a bore But it's all right if you act like a turd 'Cause I like Birds” - Mark O. Everett

I’ve been on 𝕏 for 80 years and I just realized there are icons under every post that allow you to comment, repost, and like.

If you need me, I’m going to be over here for a while. music.apple.com/us/playlist/…

I can relate, I’ve been KO’d by a taco more than once.

Does anyone else’s wife make you rub her back to fall asleep?

If you don’t know who the retard at work is, I have some bad news.

I saw a Christmas car commercial this morning. I haven’t taken my lights down from last Christmas yet.

I’m just going to go ahead and call all of those Starburst I just ate a serving of fruit.

I loved the movie “The Return of the Living Dead” (1985) when I was a kid. I watched it again tonight for Halloween. I still love it. If you haven’t seen it, watch it.

Red Baron Pizza POV.

I didn’t think it was possible for pizza to become even more popular.

The irony is that Walt will be even more stressed because he has to restock all these sold out pizzas.

The best part of this guys day is probably walking through his front door and seeing his family for the first time after a long shift. I hope his gofundme raises enough money to pay off his mortgage and he gets to take his kids on a nice vacation. If I were @redbaronpizza I would turn this into a PR win. Make an announcement that there will be no disciplinary action taken against this employee, and they are taking this as a wake up call to reevaluate their route workloads. As for the “influencer” let the internet make an example of him and maybe discourage this type of “content” in the future.

I just want to let the matrix know that I have already voted. You can stop with the political text messages, junk mail, and commercials. None of that stuff works on me anyway. Don’t even bother next time around.

This is a great feature to have for when that homeless guy approaches your car at the intersection.

We need a Dukes of Hazzard reboot.

I thought my teenage son driving a regular car was terrifying. Can’t wait for the 3am call when he’s arrested for doing donuts on the side of a building.

Best places for an afternoon nap.

I hate that you have to ask, "Do you have Hulu, Netflix, etc.?" before you can talk to someone about a TV show.

My wife walked into the bathroom bare chested this morning. Naturally I put a hand under each breast and said 67 and did the gesture. Needless to say, it did not lead to sex and I am now banned from the master bath.