I don’t know what your life looks like anymore. I don’t know what makes you laugh, what keeps you awake, or whose voice you look for when your day gets heavy. And somehow the person whose voice I remember so clearly is becoming someone I know less about. This was my biggest fear+
Ever since you left me, I’ve been homeless. And I don’t mean I have nowhere to go. I still have my room, my bed, my everyday life, and family around me but none of them feel like home the way you did. You were the person I wanted to tell everything to. The person I could turn to+
when life felt heavy. The person whose presence made even the most ordinary days feel a little easier. And now, no matter where I go or what I do, there’s this feeling that something is missing. I look for comfort in the little things, but nothing feels quite the same anymore. +
I hate nights. They scare me to death because that’s when my thoughts become uncontrollable. I get suicidal, and I genuinely don’t know what to do with myself anymore. The nights are terrifying when your own mind becomes your worst enemy.
I keep bursting into tears every time I want to reach out to you. There are so many moments when I just want to hear your voice, tell you that I still miss you, tell you how badly this has been hurting me. My hands almost reach for my phone, and then I remember you closed every +
single door you could from your side. So I just sit there with everything I want to say, with nowhere to put it. Sometimes I wonder if you ever think about what it feels like from my side, to want to talk to someone so badly and know you have absolutely no right to disturb their+
Lowkey can’t wait to move out and start over in a different country. I know I’ll miss home, I know it’ll get lonely, and I know it won’t always be easy. But I’ve always wanted to step out of my comfort zone and do something for myself. I just hope I make myself proud.



