Opinions are not my own. I have no control over tweets; all living things exist without reason. https://xitter.cf/t.co/LkXHTi67ey

Joined October 2018
Dad: I don’t know how to tell you this, but you’re adopted Child at the orphanage: *Gasps in excitement*
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Marbury vs Madison-ass result
“Had the protocols been followed, the outcome of the game would have been different.” NCAA states that the referees in Michigan-Western Michigan erred and that WMU would have won the game if proper procedure had been followed. However, they also say results cannot be overturned.
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Dr. Jeff Computers retweeted
You do genuinely think you’re going to be the first person ever to fill out a perfect bracket when you make it. And you fall for it every year
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Dr. Jeff Computers retweeted
This is the beautiful, populist, profoundly American animating principle of Diners, Drive-Ins, and Dives: that world-class food can be had anywhere, and for a reasonable price, because our nation is a proud mosaic of immigrants
Big cities arguing over better food is never not stupid. You could prob find an incredible Mexican restaurant in Little Rock, Arkansas if you really looked.
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When will this senseless violence end
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Dr. Jeff Computers retweeted
How long it takes me to accomplish one simple task.
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Damn, that child doesn't look a day over 83!
This quoted post is unavailable.
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Dr. Jeff Computers retweeted
“Words mean things”? No. Words nice
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This restaurant is playing a fascinating radio edit of Sean Kingston’s Beautiful Girls where they have him “in denial”
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if the beers are over 4 dollars you are not in a dive bar you are in a dive themed bar
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Does Chuck E. Schumer also stand for Charles Entertainment Schumer or is that just an anthropomorphic mouse thing
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Half 10 is 5
British people pretending half 10 is 10:30 is ridiculous. Half 10 is 9:30, not 10:30. You can’t just leave out a vital word in the sentence "half past 10" and pretend it's still the same sentence. 😭
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I could do this too, but you don’t see me getting a wikipedia about it
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My contribution to the “should PhDs be called doctor” discourse is just a quiet disappointment that I got mine at the precise moment that random online forms dropped the “salutation” menu
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Dr. Jeff Computers retweeted
never change, NYT Cooking
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And the facial hair too!
Deeply unsettled by this older photo of Mike Johnson with a beard.
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Whoever first figured out whipped cream must’ve been a real freak
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They should open a second grocery store for people who know what the fuck they’re doing
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If you go to a state school you automatically embody a kind of moral righteousness. you are the product of a truly meritocratic idea
Being snobby about where you went to college is wild because here we are… in the same room.
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Replying 👍 must feel so good if you’re a dad
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