What if all horses are unicorns, and we've just never seen them excited enough to have face boners?

Discipline is the ability to say "No!" over and over again to something that you really, really want.

The degree to which accidental taps on things, followed by immediate -- yet futile -- corrective untaps, has drastically and irrevocably obliterated algorithmic understanding of me by platforms I frequent can not be understated...

If we're really serious about this, why are the hoods and roofs of electric vehicles not solar panels?

Just heard a couple people from the other side of my cubicle LITERALLY just realize that they had forgotten 9/11. "I just realized what day it is! Do you know what day it is?" "It's Wednesday." Somewhere, a Bald Eagle just stopped feeding freedom fried to Toby Keith's ghost.

Yell at me all you want Rugby announcers, I am no closer to understanding your game than I was 3 years ago, but I will watch nonetheless! #ParisOlympics

Authoritarian Voice Over Loud Speaker: All who oppose us, will be Baconated! Young Resistance Recruit: Oh shit, you didn't tell me they had the Baconator! Grizzled Resistance Fighter: Yeah, the Baconator's back - (Dramatically powers up blaster rifle) For a limited time only.

I do things for the right reason but in the wrong way. It's very difficult on those around me, I understand that. I've just never learned better ways, and I've lost so much while just trying to do everything for everybody. I try so hard to do good. But I do it the hard way.

Too few popular artists nowadays arrive on our jive ass planet from a funk based extra terrestrial society via their starship powered by rock. And we are all the lesser for it.

Do I now have a monthly Funko and Garbage Pail Kid allowance? Yes. Have I already spent both of them on the 2nd day of the month? Also yes. I will try to hold to these reasonable allowances I've set for myself. I don't have a lot of faith I'll be able to, but I'll hella try.

It's been seven weeks since my last cubicle garden update... and it shows... #CantStop #OverWatteredKalanchoeIKnowShutUpAboutIt

Guys! Jeff and Danielle are such gosh darn wonderful so's and so's who surprised me with my own dang Pop and I love little me so gosh darn much! It was so danged sweet & unexpected and sweet! I was all emotional and I hugged people and showed him off all night! You're awesome!

With my newfound steady income, I'm finding myself buying @OriginalFunko Pops and contributing to my Roth IRA in pretty equal amounts. So what I'm saying is I'm DOUBLE investing. I think. #21stCenturyAdult

The high points of the fuckin' high points. Cubicle update!

A short story in four Pops. #TheyLive #GPK #Fallout #Funko

Admittedly, it's been a while since I've officed, but I assume my cubicle coffee bar is pretty standard, right?

The thing's already filling up! Maybe word has gotten around, and maybe that word is it's a good class!? That's a good word. Sign up and hang out with me for six weeks?

"I like to watch that dumper ripple on impact!" Romantic? Yay or Nay?

They'll... I mean. They'll tell me when it's too much... right?