Jet the Hawk

HEY LOSERS In case you haven't noticed, your favorite speed-demon hawk has been more active elsewhere, so if you need more of me, and I KNOW that you do, then you know where to go.

Oh yeah one more thing. If you want a GOOD racing game, go play Screamer. That game has actual tech and also REAL lesbians. Not fake "we promise they're lesbians even though we can't officially confirm it" great value margarine lesbians. Proper toxic yuri as Gaia intended it.

ANYWAY PEACE NERDS BACK TO BSKY WHERE THE PLACE ISN'T RUN BY A FACIST WHO MAKES SHITTY TRUCKS.

BUT WHAT DO I KNOW I'M ONLY A RACING GOD WHO EATS, BREATHES, AND SLEEPS THE ARTFORM OF MOTORSPORT. GAIA FORBID ANYONE LISTEN TO ME I ONLY ACTUALLY KNOW WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT.

ANYWAY MAYBE IF INSTEAD OF LISTENING TO ALL THE CRYBABIES GOING "MY ITEMS AREN'T WINNING ME THE RACE I WANNA GET GOOD AT RACING" WE ACTUALLY JUST...LET ALL THE "OVERPOWERED" STRATS GET INTO A RURAL BARFIGHT IN THE STATE OF OHIO WE'D HAVE A MORE INTERESTING META.

DODON-PA FUCKED UP SO BAD AGAIN THAT I HAVE RETURNED JUST TO YELL ABOUT IT FOR ROUGHLY FIVE MINUTES SO I GUESS YOU CAN THANK THE FAT TANOOKI'S RAGING INCOMPETENCE THAT YOU ONCE AGAIN GET A BRIEF MOMENT TO BASK IN MY IMMACULATE PRESENCE.

bbc.com/news/live/c62lnennzg… AY YO FRANCE NICE JOB PROTECTING YOUR GEMS LOSERS. CATCH US IF YOU CAN.

See this person? They get me. They absolutely get me.

Okay now I'm done peace out enjoy the waft of my excellence in my absence.

ACTUALLY WAIT ONE MORE THING BECAUSE THE MORE I LOOK AT THIS TRASH, THE WORSE IT GETS. TRAVIS SCOTT? REALLY? GARBAGE MUSICIAN WHO GOT NEARLY A DOZEN PEOPLE KILLED AT ONE OF HIS CONCERTS? OKAY. SURE DAWG. SONIC YOUR MUSIC TASTE IS ACTUAL TRASH.

By the way enjoy another bi-weekly dose of Jet the Hawk and his unbridled awesomeness™

Anyway I'm going back topside so I can smoke the rest of Wave's weed. Really hard to get a light at this altitude, though. The air burns a lot less when I'm a mile up on top of a giant zeppelin.

Also uhhhh between all of you and me I see DMX in there and ew. That guy was a raging homophobe. Guess all that corporate "No we at Sega support LGBT rights!" stuff was, as expected, hollow and corporate. Wow I am so surprised.

ONE LAST REMINDER NERDS AND NERDLETS Round two is about to start. You wanna see me trounce the field a second time? You know where to go.

But not only that, but we've been holding one hell of a racing tournament as well, so if you don't want to miss the most hype action you'll see on the track, well...check it out. By the way, spoilers for the first qualifier. I won. Because I'm a racing god.