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the most high. father. vegan. introvert. standup comedian.

Gentrified East Nashville, TN
Joined March 2010
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I think teaching our children about veganism instead of religion will have more of an positive impact on their lives
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Women cool as hell when you ain’t tryna fuck em
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I ain’t seen a peep about the World Series. That’s crazy
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I don’t think they were talking about chocolate. 🍫
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I’m done running races until March.
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They don’t make episodes like this no more. Smart Guy🎬
My husband invited his mistress to our tenth wedding anniversary dinner, seated her three chairs away from me, and watched me thank her for coming. But the affair wasn’t what destroyed me. It was discovering that almost everyone at that table had helped him hide it. There were twelve guests, including my parents, my younger sister, my husband’s brother, and friends we’d known for years. He’d reserved a private dining room at a restaurant where dinner cost more than our monthly mortgage. Everyone was laughing, ordering expensive wine, and telling stories about our marriage. The woman sat beside my sister, wearing a delicate gold bracelet identical to one I’d found in my husband’s car six months earlier. He’d claimed it was a gift for his brother’s girlfriend. I might have dismissed the coincidence if I hadn’t watched my sister lean over and whisper, “You okay? I know tonight’s awkward.” The woman nodded and glanced at my husband. Something cold settled in my stomach. When my husband stepped outside to take a call, I followed him into the hallway. “How long?” I asked. His expression changed immediately. “Please don’t do this here.” That was all the confirmation I needed. “How long?” I repeated. “Almost two years,” he admitted. I stared at him. “And they know?” He didn’t answer. When I walked back into the room, nobody asked why I’d been crying. My mother simply reached across the table, squeezed my hand, and whispered, “Sweetheart, just get through dinner.” I realized then that she wasn’t comforting me. She was asking me to cooperate.
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Cap. 95% of the black community does not have Bernie on their Mt. Rushmore. Respectfully.
Eddie so disconnected from the community. 95% of the black community has Bernie on their mt. Rushmore
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I always call back tho 🤷🏽‍♀️
i just know people hate calling me, i never answer my damn phone😭
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I’m Gonna bring out the half tights for the race Saturday
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Savage life
30 seconds into Angela Yee’s interview with Webbie & Boosie & it goes LEFT “What, you wanna get flipped ?” (Via @wayupwithyee)
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I talk like this to my coworkers daily. Nothing to see here.
Can’t wait to see this in Ben Stiller’s doc.
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They used to sell these in Eastbay magazines so you could dunk...
Latto wearing them court side at the WNBA Finals Game 2 yesterday 👀
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Boundaries are garlic for energy vampires.
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Guilt? Glee you mean?
Can we talk about the guilt that comes with calling in sick at work? 😭
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Grounded, educated, eater, vegan, southern charm with west coast vibes and New York fashion sense
describe your type without mentioning looks
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Acai bowls and matcha lemonade
Name something you NEVER feel guilty spending money on.
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My uber driver just gonna have a whole phone conversation this whole ride. On speaker.
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I’m ugly without you retweeted
He got on two tank tops and a wrist band 😂😂😂
I Still Be Moving To This 😭
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Lmgso
when tf did they stop painting speed bumps yellow i was just in the fcking air
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Can’t put a number on it, but he definitely wasn’t afraid to show his emotions around us.
If you had your dad in your life how many times did you see him cry?
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Run towards yourself.
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