Kris Keyes

Landing Early is Awesome…Until It’s Not I flew from Buffalo to Newark airport. We landed so early, the in-flight movie was ground operations, and it was free! We watched other planes take off and land. We took a driving tour of the airfield. Our plane shamed another airplane out of the gate we were assigned. This must’ve caught the ground crew by surprise because it took 26 minutes to drive the jetway to the plane to let us off. The flight attendant looked out of the doorway several times, like “Hey, we’re here.” Nothing… Luggage offloaded. But no way off the plane. The Captain gets on the PA, “We'll get you outta here shortly, they’re finding someone who can operate the jetway.” I guess the crew was making sure we knew how mad they were about us arriving early. Then we heard the jetway siren. Hooray! Sadly, we were treated to an evolution resembling the Austin Powers U-turn scene in the narrow hallway. They found the most qualified person in the terminal to operate the jetway. “Excuse me, sir. I know you’re boarding for Los Angeles, but can you help us with something? You look like a fast learner.”

LFGM! ‘86📞’24: We’re not called Amazin’ for nothing! Watch WS game 6 every night until the job is done!

The ILA Strike…Real Talk If the ILA strike goes too long, Black Friday will go back to Food Coma Friday. If the ILA strike goes too long, the custom car you ordered will be an antique when you get it. If the ILA strike goes too long, for the holidays, Coquito will just be coconut-flavored Half & Half. If the ILA strike goes too long, Secret Santa parties will be Coalmining events. If the ILA strike goes too long, you’ll have to celebrate Christmas the old-fashioned way. Right? Without the shopping, I don’t know either. You might have to go caroling door to door for hours... like those solar panel guys.

Thanks to Ohtani on the Dodgers, you only have 2 types of hitters in baseball: Sluggers and Slumpers One crushes the ball, and scores runs. The other clears mosquitoes from the strike zone. 📸 by Mark Duffel

Celebrating the 10th issue of the Cabin by sharing perspective instead of chasing the funny. There’s simplicity in authenticity. Take a look, take a hike, or take it easy. Either way, enjoy the moment.

Humans: We're in control! The Universe: LMFAO. Good one! Let's ask the dinosaurs. Humans: You mean Gen Xers? The Universe: What? No! Nevermind!

Hey, look…I get it. It feels like the fate of the universe is hanging by a thread. But honey, babygirl, my sweet angel, I’m just asking you to clean your room. I know hotels and resorts are awesome but, at home, we’re “Housekeeping.”

Shout out to @kevinbozeman who killed it on Celebrity Eclipse (7/7-7/14). KB put us in a laugh locker and threw away the key! He wrestled wits with cruise director Mike and won (of course). Outstanding work, brother. Continued success and hope to see you again soon.

Give your stress a 2-minute timeout...

Funeral Food When someone dies in your family, why do the survivors get punished with deviled eggs and casseroles...in Pyrex dishes you can't keep? Is it rude to place an order with people paying their respects? Hi Cousin Melvina, I’m miss dad so much. Oh, you’re stopping by? That’s so nice. Hey, can you bring me a double catfish platter with extra tartar sauce? I know it caused his heart attack and I’ll be one meal closer to seeing him again. You know what…let’s make it a triple. And switch out the coleslaw for bacon-wrapped scallops. Now, that’s funeral food.

I wish I could laugh the way Tom Cat from Tom and Jerry screams. IYKYK

Anything fried is worth the ride... -Anonymous Cardiologist (Retired)

Are you into these weird holidays? June 15 – National Prune Day Some serious sh!t happening that day. July 6 – National Fried Chicken Day At least, it’s not in February. November 4 - Use Your Common Sense Day Consecutive years of celebration: Zero There’s a day we celebrate at my house. It’s my wife’s favorite called: Put The Toilet Seat Down Day

Just a quick weekend read…or tackle the other 10,000 dazzling gems in your inbox. Cabin. Laugh. Done.

Road Math Slow drivers in front of you + Industrial-sized, spring-loaded spatula installed on your car __________________________________ Less bird-flipping

Are you ready for June 15th? It's World Juggling Day! A great day for balls everywhere!

If you believe in laughter Stop your scroll for sec Read a quote and laugh If your life is a wreck Because laughter Is the way to be free The quotes will heal your soul Like they just did for me Ahem, where was I? Right! The quotes… “I’m thankful for laughter, except when milk comes out of my nose.” -Woody Allen “Laughter gives us distance. It allows us to step back from an event, deal with it, and then move on.” -Bob Newhart “You can’t deny laughter; when it comes, it plops down in your favorite chair and stays as long as it wants.” -Stephen King “Against the assault of laughter, nothing can stand.” -Mark Twain “Laughter heals all wounds, and that’s one thing that everyone shares. No matter what you’re going through, it makes you forget your problems. I think the world should keep laughing.” -Kevin Hart

Running a professional baseball team is hard. I don’t own one…yet. But I know hits, runs, and strikeouts win games, and the Mets, who struggle with pitching and scoring runs, brought in a dance team. That’s like your roof repair guy telling you how bad your roof is, then he installs a new 6-burner grill in your backyard. When it rains, you’re in the house like, “These burgers are delicious! Hey, pass the umbrella, my buns are soaked.”

Reps, Reps, Reps I hurt myself working out last week. I sprained my wrist putting too much food on my fork…at a buffet. What? Buffet…gym. Don’t judge where I get my reps in! Like there’s a difference between waiting for the leg press and waiting for a fresh pan of coconut shrimp… Same intensity, same frustration.