I ASKED FOR DIVORCE AND THEN I WANT TO COME BACK, BUT FOR HIM, I’VE BECOME LEFTOVER PEANUTS Hello Richard, I’ve been asking myself a question for a long time and I’d like to get different opinions. I’ve noticed that Europeans are often more conciliatory. They sometimes manage to patch things up when a relationship is no longer working. I know several European colleagues who separated, even divorced, then one or several years later got back together with their ex-husband. They took some distance, each of them changed, and they decided to rebuild their family on new foundations. In contrast, for couples from Africa, here in Europe, and especially Nigerians, I have the impression that when a relationship ends, it’s often a catastrophe. When it’s over, you almost become public enemy number one. Let me explain. In my personal case, I’m 35 years old. I was married for seven years to my ex-husband, who is now 41. We have two children, aged 6 and 7. In 2024, our marriage was no longer doing well. We argued often. He drank a lot and there was also violence. He accused me of being rebellious just because I gave my opinion on marital/couple decisions, which created a very difficult atmosphere at home. To protect the children, I decided that let's separate. He left the home and I continued raising the children. One year later, I saw that the children were starting to suffer from this separation. They often talked to me about their father and wanted to have a united family again. I then thought that maybe it was possible to patch things up. I tried to get back in touch with my ex-husband so that we could discuss a possible reconciliation. But I had become the devil, the outcast. His family no longer wanted to hear about me. They said their son had become depressed because of me due to the separation, which is not true because we were both in the story. Yet, looking back, I thought we could have started again on new bases, especially since he had become sober. I later learned that barely six months after our separation, he was already in a relationship with another woman, younger, a 28-year-old nurse. I often wonder how some African men manage to turn the page so quickly. As soon as there is a separation, their ex-wife seems to no longer exist. As if everything that had been built together no longer had any value. On my side, I eventually turned the page, but I find it really a shame. We could perhaps have given ourselves a second chance and rebuilt our family. I didn’t engage into relationships with men afterwards, I specify — I had left to rebuild myself mentally. My question is therefore the following: Why, in our community, when a relationship ends, does the ex-partner sometimes become an enemy? Why do some refuse any questioning and any possibility of reconciliation? I also noticed that among some particular Nigerian tribes, the men can be particularly radical. Of course, I’m not talking about everyone, but about those I’ve observed around me. Once the separation is pronounced, they don’t want to hear anything anymore. In their words, their ex-wife is worthless and is the only one at fault. Yet, a relationship that has ended can sometimes start again on better bases when each person has changed. Replacing one’s ex with a younger woman is not always the solution. What are your opinions on this?