Max

=VLOOKUP(me, girls with nose rings, friendzone, TRUE)

Drop the “Harrison Jr.” It’s cleaner.

Me and her during any television program.

Listening to Blues Traveler’s 1994 hit “Run Around” with my sunglasses on and latte in hand. And the proverbial “they” thought this hangover might win.

Seeing a lot of stuff about Spotify sucks now and look, I generally like Spotify, but I just went to listen to “Hero” by Enrique Iglesias and they’re telling me it’s not even in his T10 songs? Now we’re just flirting with misinformation.

**about to pull the plug from the coma** “OAR…walked…so…The Script..could fly” “WE NEED A DOCTOR HE’S BACK!”

Webkinz was just on the right side of the dotcom boom

How come when you run a 8 minute mile pace outdoors it feels like a leisurely stroll, but then when you do it on a treadmill it feels like you’re carrying the weight of your country in the Olympic 100M finals against Usain Bolt?

My mom and aunt at the Thanksgiving dinner table

Men used to go to war and now they leave their Architectural Digest tote bag in your car.

Me watching the solar eclipse wondering how we can leverage competitor data to disrupt the Big Moon industry

Nah because he’s planning HIS TEE TIME while I’m planning OUR TEA TIME. It’s a team sport fellas. Act like it.

So about Friday

Get you a man who looks at you the way Luke Combs looks at Tracy Chapman

Me hopping in to the zoom call 5 minutes late because I was screaming at the bodega cashier for not offering a bulk discount on Zyn

We need to bring swirlies back - nerds have gotten too powerful

Me and my cousin discussing the implications of our pre-Thanksgiving dinner “walk”

Saw the fedora, haircut, and glimpse of the caption and was positive they were referring to the band All Time Low. Not interested anymore.

Anyone trying to play COD? (Cones of Dunshire)