Lidia Chmel

Waking up with the siren or strange "boom" sound became the norm. This morning it was the latter. I've been talking about resilience, studying resilience, and even teaching resilience for the last 5+ years. Now is the chance to practice it in real-time What is resilience? There are various definitions of resilience. But they all agree that resilience is not about coping. I believe it is not even about bouncing back. Here is my favorite definition: Resilience is the ability to grow from adversity. There are quite a few variables that impact how resilient you are. Here are just a few of them: - how your body reacts to stress and if you have skills to manage your body's stress response - level of self-awareness: e.g. knowing your triggers, knowing your values, connection to your body, and ability to read signs - level of self-regulation: e.g. the ability to change your thinking - mental agility - level of optimism There are more. But notice how most of them have the word "level" in them. That's good news. Because you can train yourself to increase your level. What is real-time resilience? Real-time resilience is a mental judo - it's your ability to catch negative, counter-productive thoughts in the moment and change them to be able to function "normally". And I put normally in quotes because you probably would not be able to do so. But you can do your best. Here are just a few effective strategies to combat counter-productive thoughts: 1. Find evidence that your thoughts are not true. For example, you have a thought that whatever you do is meaningless in this situation. You can combat it with the evidence: "This is not true, because if I keep writing, other people can learn from my experience and use it. So it might not help me, but it will help other people. And since one of my core values is Helping, I continue writing". 2. Create a plan. For example, you have a thought that catastrophic events are going to happen. And it indeed they can happen e.g. the war on 4 fronts. But thinking about it is not helpful and/or productive at this moment. Instead, you combat these types of thoughts with a plan: "We monitor news. We have the alerts app installed. We stay home as much as we can. So when there is a siren, we go to our secure room. We have stock of water, food, torches, and batteries there for at least 24 hours. Also, lots of our friends offered shelter in their homes outside Israel. And we might decide to take it." There are more strategies to deploy. For me, it happens on autopilot, just because I've been training myself for years now. What's the Benefit? As a result, I can re-claim the ability to focus and continue with the plan for the day. Believe it or not, with all that is going on, I am able to continue with my duties as a BetterHuman Editor, run the workshops, and take care of my family. So, does it make sense to invest in building your resilience muscle? You tell me

Struggling with the "no time" issue? You are not alone. In particular, in the BANI world, we can no longer rely on just tips, tricks, and time management tools. Here is my take on mindset shifts that you must adopt to have time for what matters lidiachmel.com/overcoming-ti…

Here are 3 heroines I've chosen for the first three episodes: ・Taylor Swift ・Victoria Beckham ・Kate Middleton Any other suggestions? They need to be public enough to be able to investigate

"Values Detective: Decoding Personal Success" Podcast is coming... I've been thinking (talking, contemplating) about starting a podcast on values for some time now. Believe it or not, I am a starter. The problem was not "to start". The problem was to nail the format of the show. Here is an idea: what if, in each episode, I feature a successful person, assess their top personal values from their public appearances (speeches, books, social media), and demonstrate how living their values contributes to their success? I think it could be a fun thing to do (for me as a host). But also, I would do what I originally wanted to do: start collecting stories behind values so that you can have a deeper understanding of each value and what it means to live this value every day. Wanted to share this exciting discovery for two reasons. Just see your reaction: thumb up, thumb down, don't know - need to listen to understand. And also get accountable for recording the first 3-5 episodes by the end of the year. So I can launch on 1 January 2024 cause (yes, I am a sucker for New Year - New Project kinda things). BTW, What do you think of the name?

So, I'm back to Insta. For sure. Experimenting with reels & stories. Is anyone else there? Would love to connect to make it more fun together

People ask me to share what it feels like to live in a war. So, I will try to share small bits and pieces of my life to illustrate. About a week after the war started, I went to remove the gel manicure from my nails. I was unsure how things unfold. If I was going to be able to do a manicure in the near future. And with gel, it's pretty hard to remove at home (as someone who did it once, I can assure you that it is hard). My nails look awful now. They exfoliate and break. So, I put a band-aid on them until they grow and renew. That's not the end of the world, obviously. There is no need for a pity party. Having perfect nails is nice but not essential for survival. This is the luxury we don't appreciate until we lose it. I mentioned it to illustrate that during the war (turbulent times), most of your normal processes break down. There are no more regular things you can rely upon, no more processes you can trust. You have to plan for contingency (worst case scenario) as if it is not possible, or even probable, but as if it is going to happen.

Each Friday, we have the whole family dinner. It's a new tradition we adopted once we moved to Israel. The one which I enjoy deeply. No gadgets, of course. We share each person's news and discuss urgent family matters. But we always end up discussing current topics, news, politics, and even philosophical matters. Often, my grown-up sons disagree with me/us, and the discussion becomes pretty heated. But I still enjoy it. Value it. The most important part is to separate disagreement on certain topics from the relationship itself. I think such discussions foster healthy relationships and create a deeper connection. It teaches our kids–already young adults–that you can have different views and still have great relationships. But it does become difficult at times. The problem comes from the fact that we are bombarded with disinformation, fakes, and propaganda. And it became so good and so prevailing that it's almost impossible to know what is true. Well, it just means we should have more of these discussions. We should fight this "war" with arguments, facts, and critical thinking. And yet another hidden benefit is that everyone in this discussion needs to use facts, not views or opinions. Yes, it's hard. It's emotional. And sometimes, I end up in tears from the inability to convenience my own children. But that is never the end. In the end, we hug, we kiss, and I tell them I love them with all my heart.

Hey guys, I have 3 people offering to sponsor your participation in the FInish Strong Workshop. It is an amazing opportunity for me and for you. So, just drop me a line, and I will get you a promo-code. You will have to watch part of it recording. But if you need any support - I will be there to help you. Just raise your hand!!!!

I cried. First time since last Saturday. Sometimes tears are frozen by shock. They are stuck in a giant lump in the chest or your throat. But then something triggers you and you start crying. For me it was listening to how ordinary people are helping each other, helping soldiers, helping those who are in need of help. I felt relieved. I needed to cry. To cry for those who were kidnapped. To cry for those who were tortured and killed. To cry for survivors and relatives who are going through true hell on earth. To cry for the world going crazy and that my children will be living in this world. I did not feel ashamed to cry. And I want to share this message: It is not shameful to cry. It is not shameful to feel fear or anger. It is not shameful to be weak and ask for help. It is not shameful to feel helplessness in the face of such terror. We must stay strong, no doubt. We know that one of the goals of terrorists is to get us scared, disoriented, and disorganized. That won't happen. But we only be able to stay strong if we lean on each other. If we are together. Believe me, what happens here is unprecedented support for each other. It gives hope. PS I am beyond grateful for all the warm messages. Still not even able to reply to all individual messages.

Since people are asking how to help, the best way is to give me work ))) It gives me meaning, it gives me a reason to continue to be resilient, and it also brings food to my table. We have a workshop that is going on right now, you can still join and watch the recordings: hopin.com/events/finish-2023… We also re-scheduled a weekend session for this weekend, so you are welcome to join or sponsor someone to join: hopin.com/events/finish-2023…

Just canceled my trip to Dubai this week due to Israel being in a state of war. Asked Emirates' support if it was possible. They asked to put in the comments: CIVIL UNREST - ISRAEL Really? I'm glad they offer a refund. When do we start calling things by their real names?