@LizerReal

Wife of a guy. Mother to spawns. Sugar glider in my bra.🖕🏻🍊Find me on IG https://xitter.cf/t.co/bIMfqBqyjG

xitter.cf/search?q=(from%3Alizerreal)%20-filter%3Areplies&src=typed_query
Joined May 2017
  • Tweets77.2K
  • Following833
  • Followers49.9K
15.2KMedia
oh shit. i'm at a doctors appointment, and i legit forgot to take the sugar glider out of my sports bra. let's hope she stays asleep!!!
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i don’t know how to explain this but my vibe is Karen Wheeler + Derek
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I’m only staying up until midnight on New Years to watch 2025 DIE
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The bar for 2026 is so low it’s basically a speed bump
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My 11yo was watching a Stranger Things youtube quiz that asked "what makes the viewer suspect that the mayor in season 3 is corrupt?" And she shouted out "because he works in the government!" She’s not wrong 😭
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Katie D@KatieDeal9913 Oct 2025
My daughter was mad at me and yelled “I’m gonna spend the day in my room and you’ll be ALL ALONE all day!” And that just isn’t the threat she thinks it is
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Ginger@gingerbrigade117 Oct 2025
I talk to my dogs out loud and have them respond to me in their little puppy voices. This is completely normal!
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Mal@TheRealPalMal17 Oct 2025
[About the new foster dog] Me: I think he's about 6 or 7 years. My Gen Z kids: *grins* Me: Don't.
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Explaining the miracle of salmon spawning to my spawn
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Oh no, it looks like I’ve had a little too much to think
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1. Open fridge. Nothing to eat. 2. Open cabinets. Nothing to eat. 3. Lower standards and repeat.
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Ginger@gingerbrigade112 Oct 2025
At this point I’m pretty sure I was born a hot mess.
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meghan
@deloisivete10 Oct 2025
Ordered my kids food from two different places and the drivers are about to arrive at the same time, and why does this feel so embarrassing
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meghan
@deloisivete2 Oct 2025
Me: *screams into the void* Spirit Halloween: *screams back*
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Shannon
@gardengirl12511 Oct 2025
Sometimes I have to turn off the news and put on a true crime documentary so I can relax
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I saw a dog wearing a vest that said “Not Friendly, Do Not Approach” and do they make these for people? Cause I want one
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Was Hitler *also* this dumb and very obviously in moderate stages of dementia? 🤔
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My 8yo: Dad, my friend Jordan at school thinks you’re 164 years old My husband*confidently*: How would JORDAN, who’s never even met me— 8yo: He saw you pick me up Husband: 😑
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