“ I know a good joke when I hear it “ - Paul Merton Londons most famous Mortgage Broker

London
Joined January 2012
London Money retweeted
Just like under the Tories, the government stats says one thing and reality says the opposite. The 'government' didn't change in 2024 and nor did the lies in 2026
Unemployment ⬇️ LinkedIn ‘Open to Work posts’ ⬆️
1
4
280
Thoughts and prayers, Rightmove. BestAgent up and running no issues. 😎 And with even more listings!
2
1
23
2,960
Unemployment ⬇️ LinkedIn ‘Open to Work posts’ ⬆️
Unemployment rate down to 4.7%, and employment rate up in latest figures. Now down 0.5% from 5.2% peak last year. Measurement issues in the headline jobs figures, but the quality is increasing so these numbers may reflect situation better than last year’s numbers. Vacancies fell again though, lowest outside covid since 2014, but also in line with average. By sector the levels story is as would be expected - concentrated in social care/ retail and hospitality BUT they were all flat in latest quarter, retail actually added 3k vacancies. General picture of a low hire low fire low churn flat labour market, with some interesting under the hood stories. Peak in long term sickness driving fall in inactivity? Down 80k from 2.82m in Jun-Aug 2025 to 2.74m. The small has occurred amongst male workers. Female inactivity is flat. Overall still up 600k plus since pandemic. Age hit - Over 65s fastest age group adding to payrolls - up 5.6% in year to September. 25-34 yo down 1.9%. AI tech jobs challenge? Not coming through in the payroll numbers cut by age, eg for 18-24 year olds, but sectorally info & comms payroll numbers have fallen by the most of any major sector - down 2.5% over past year, bigger proportional hit than eg hospitality. Clear public-private split on growing payrolls and earnings growth.
5
1
1
28
3,873
I can confirm the struggle is real
You want to be an author? Surely, the years of toil will pay off and royalties will pour in? Here's the latest breakdown for Good Guys Lost. Pay particular attention to how they spell my name. The joy of writing. Anyway, you can read it free on substack tonyevans92a.substack.com/p/…
3
870
Ok, so those people on the streets “ publicly shaming “ conscientious objectors are who exactly and why are they not on the front line themselves ?
Read this article. Unreal. Surreal. They are 'shaming' you into murdering your own...on behalf of the Globalist Bankster SCUM??? UNBELIEVABLE: DAILY EXPRESS TODAY: "Men who refuse to fight in a future global conflict could face strict legal tribunals and brutal public shaming on their own streets.📷 The idea of being forced to fight is suddenly becoming a serious reality for people across the country. General Sir Roly Walker has warned that every British citizen will soon be asked to make sacrifices as global tensions explode. It comes after ministers told the public last year to ready themselves for a conflict directly on British soil. But keeping yourself off the battlefield will not be as simple as just saying no. In the past, men who refused to join up for moral reasons had to stand before strict tribunals to legally argue their case. Even if they successfully secured a civilian job to help the war effort, those who stayed behind faced brutal public humiliation on their own streets. During previous conflicts, the 'White Feather Campaign' saw women aggressively handing out white feathers to men not in military uniform as a mark of absolute cowardice. And while a new UK government report confirms that modern European courts still protect the right to refuse a weapon, the social cost of staying home could be devastating. The threat of a wider war feels closer than ever, especially with the US now fighting its own war with Iran and President Trump pressing Ukraine's leader to step down. The exact blueprint for forcing everyday British civilians to the frontlines remains completely unresolved. As researchers from the Peace Museum note: "The women of the 'White Feather Campaign' were militant in more ways than one: with passive aggression, they tried to shame men into signing up and fighting in the war, believing that military involvement was necessary and right." #NeedToKnow
3
3
964
Before or after long term care fees ?
The Times is predicting millennials will be the wealthiest generation in history The boomer asset transfer has started, in the UK alone there is £2.5 trillion in housing wealth to be handed down
1
10
2,254
“Oh we’ll just put the rent up “
This is music to tenants ears while landlords only hear nails on a chalkboard. Who wouldn’t “give it ago” at every proposed increase, fair or not, if you only stand to lose £47. It’s the taxpayer who ultimately pays for the tribunal but that will be disregarded. Landlords however, once burnt, will slowly but surely exit the market when the sales market improves, reducing stock levels in areas where they are most needed, ensuring rents remain elevated. @linus_uhlig @Telegraph telegraph.co.uk/money/proper…
1
1
7
1,202
The Times for young Scoffin now Where next for the property revolutionary !
A Labour government putting the property mafia before the people. We’re in @thetimes tonight sounding the alarm on the abomination that is the enfranchisement rates consultation 👇
5
5
619
Well said Stan 👏
So thought balloons put out by someone at the Premier League or club involved regarding a big point deduction this reason and something next. Sum total? No titles rescinded. City back in 2-3 seasons They'll keep plenty of players to compete plus academy. So 20 trophies, elevation from nationally big-ish club to globally big club, owners carry on regardless, nothing to see regarding last few years including fees, player and former managers contracts. Seems fair. If that's the punishment then I genuinely hope Newcastle United in particular just blow everyone out of the water and overheat the system in England so much that it will be impossible to compete at all. That they win every major trophy every season for 50 years and destroy English football, bankrupting 50+ clubs as they chase the impossible. Because if the punishment for a decade plus of deliberate corrupt practice is 2 or 3 seasons out of the Premier League then I'll cheer on any club in this land who does the same in the future.
1
3,205
London Money retweeted
Word of the day: Property-mogging. Owning a visibly better house than your peers. Eg. Your detached moggs their semi.
2
1
1
883
Good Reminiscent of Giuliani's broken glass policy Make the small things socially unacceptable and you might just make other things better along the way
As Paris burns our prime minister has stopped people playing loud music on buses & trains.
4
12
872
Still, tax free and sunny !
🇺🇸🇸🇦🇾🇪 WHAT THE HELL IS HAPPENING IN THE MIDDLE EAST RIGHT NOW?! The list of U.S. diplomatic missions issuing SECURITY ALERTS now stretches across ELEVEN countries. Jordan. Lebanon. Qatar. Iran. Iraq. Israel. Bahrain. Oman. Saudi Arabia. UAE. Yemen. At this point, you could throw a dart at a map of the Middle East and probably hit an American security warning. And with an actual war raging, this is not exactly the kind of regional coordination anyone wanted to see. Eleven countries on one security-alert list is ONE HELL of a nervous neighborhood. Writer: Oliver
2
7
1,423
Comfortably in my #Beatles top 10
The #Beatles recorded 'This Boy' on this day 63 years ago today on 17 October 1963. #TheBeatles
2
528
Best thing I’ve read since the opening pages of ‘Goodbye Morecambe’* * Still unavailable in all good bookshops
Your name is Jean-Marc, you’re 46, and you run a video game and collectibles shop in Nice, wedged between an optician and a real estate agency selling 1-bed flats for €410,000 “with sea view” if you lean far enough off the balcony. You know every GTA San Andreas cheat by heart. You tested all of them in 2005 on the PS2 in your bedroom at your mum’s place. You opened in 2011 with a state-backed loan at 4.7%, and the naive belief that passion eventually pays. It did pay, sort of. €1,900 a month in a good year, after the French tax office has eaten first, second and third. Your commercial rent is indexed on a formula nobody in the Republic actually understands. You sell Funko Pops at €17.99, sealed Pokémon cards, refurbished controllers. You let little Enzo, 12, pay in installments because he’s saving for a Switch 2. You close at 7:30pm and walk home because the harbor parking is €3.40 an hour. Saturday, there’s a protest “against the cost of living.” You also think living costs too much. You almost went. At 5:12pm, your metal shutter gets ripped open with a crowbar. Forty teenagers in tracksuits and crossbody bags walk into your shop like it’s a bonus level. They take the PS5s, the Dragon Ball figures, the till with today’s €280 and even the box of paper bags that say “thank you for your visit.” A guy in a floral shirt films it vertically for TikTok. You step outside and say “stop, this is my shop.” You get hit from behind. Then rocks. They laugh. Floral shirt guy is thrilled: good angle, good lighting. Sunday morning, the police tell you there are “1,400 arrests nationwide” and they won’t send a squad for some Funko Pops. Filing the complaint takes 2 hours 40. The officer types with two fingers on Windows 7. Monday noon, your insurer reminds you that your €1,140-a-year policy has a €3,000 deductible and a “riots and civil commotion” exclusion on page 31, font size 6. Saturday night, an MP explains on TV that “the anger is legitimate” and we “shouldn’t cry over shop windows.” He’s never owned a shop window. He has a state-funded apartment. Sunday, your limited edition Vegeta figures show up on Vinted. “Brand new, never opened, €39, pickup in North Nice.” The seller has 4.9 stars. Monday, the tax office emails you. They haven’t heard about the riots. They’ve heard about your payment deadline. You did everything right, Jean-Marc. That was never the problem. The problem is you were playing by the rules in a lobby where nobody else does. So stop believing in the State. It’s not coming to save you. It’s coming to collect. Stop voting. Every five years they hand you the controller, and it’s never plugged in. Go to the gym. Not for revenge. For you. Because when the system folds, the only asset nobody can loot is the one you built under a barbell. And make money they can’t see. Cash, side hustles, sats on a cold wallet in a sock drawer. Not your keys, not your coins. Not your shop, not your loss. Fuck the system, Jean-Marc. It already did it to you first.
1
579
Twenty minutes away from the stockmarket collapsing, an announcement regarding conscription for all eligible men in the UK and rumours that Arsenal may attempt TWO shots on target in their next game I love weekend Twitter 🥰
1
7
749
Bavaria did not disappoint Historical 👨‍🏫 Beautiful 🥰 Humbling 😔
1
11
586
I’ll be right behind you Sharron
Better to be prepared & not needed, than not prepared & in serious trouble
1
3
761
A business model that for many was only ever viable with ultra cheap debt. thetimes.com/life-style/prop…
1
6
595
Funny that 🙄
BREAKING: The US asked Iran for permission to strike Iran's Pickaxe Mountain nuclear site without retaliation, and Iran rejected the request, per IRIB state media correspondent Morteza Ghoroghi. He said "Trump's statements today point to war within the next 24 hours," and that Iran's military forces are "in a state of complete readiness."
1
11
1,692