Limms

I'm delighted that Scotland got trounced. I fucking hate the Scottish and I'm a fucking Scot. What a total bunch of pathetic wankers they are, myself included. – at Monkton, Scotland

I'm from Ipswich so I don't really support any Jock teams, but, in 1998, two Scotch guys worked on our building site. Rangers supporting guy was a decent funny fella Celtic guy reeked of pish and putrid shit. Begged fags and ended up getting arrested for shiting in the street. – at Ipswich, England

Two winners of the World Cup tonight. Spain and Thatcher – at Doonholm, Scotland

Big Duncan Ferguson is like Begbie's angrier big brother. They daft English cunts on that panel are agreeing with everything he's saying in the hope he doesn't boot fuck out them. – at Prestwick, Scotland

Gary Lineker on ITV sitting with the panel having non stop wee jokes about himself. "Tee hee just joshing" type of banter. Oh what I'd give for big Duncan Ferguson to punch his fucking cunt in and throw him in the Hudson. Gonzo faced wishy-washy liberal ballsack. – at Prestwick, Scotland

Get a grip, guys. This world cup isn't about winning. It's about showing the world that we're zany, wacky comical clowns who put traffic cones on stuff. Best wee nation in the world at being shite at everything 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿 – at Prestwick, Scotland

British funded novelty act Kneecap staying silent on current events. Daft wee fucking fannies. – at Monkton, Scotland

A wee Sunday morning cycle past a Pink Floyd landmark – at London, England