Mike “Nails” Rotch

Set my Hinge radius to 250 mi and put the max age up to 70

Just got laid for the first time since the divorce 7 months ago

Just hit my first leg day in at least a year and a half, feelin like Walter Jr

Being fat and having huge tits is like being 7’1” and averaging 8+ boards a game

Straight chiller at chipper didn’t charge me for 2x chicken

I always see the hottest chicks I’ve ever seen on the purple/brown lines

Why’s nobody talking about Kirk

Am i the only one who doesn’t walk around with a giant fucking water bottle??

Crazy how many of your problems can be solved by having #onebeer

Hobos really asking me for money like im not broke as hell too

I have seen a million engagements on Instagram this week

Solo mountain trekking on the beach. Any complaints? Didn’t think so

That’s enough reels for me today

Almost saw my WESTERN MICHIGAN BRONCOS do the impossible last night, instead I will not be watching another snap of college football this year

The Josh Hart burrito at chipper is so gas

Number of 80 year old mans balls and cock I’ve seen today is #one #thanksLAfitness

Yeah this is electric man #newcrib

Sippin on some “Tweaker”

Million dollar idea: adderall that doesn’t suppress your ability to get an erection

Getting in your hotel bed and turning on ESPN, one of the most underrated absolute joys in life.