Joel

Curious George sounds like a nickname given to a sexually deviant man who owned a shoe repair store in 1920s Brooklyn. In reality, it is endearing cartoon monkey with a potent sense of adventure. Interesting.

Unfortunately, im completely serious when i say i think emperor Palpatine has more humanity and charm than Mitch McConnell

whenever "gas pedal" came on at school dances i could sense tht many butts were about to both wobble and wiggle and tht i wud soon abandon my christian values to rejoice in the magnitude of this butt wobbling

when i see a woman who is 5'9" or taller i pray this towering giant does not crush my tiny jew skull or make me look foolish in game of pick-up basketball

the interesting thing abt violent diarrhea is tht i absolutely have it and oh boy do i rlly have it

man: *gets stabbed in the face* me (knows a lot abt medicine): ooof he’s gonna need like sooo many gummy vitamins

learned today that "Roxanne" is not a song about an unseen, all-powerful woman who controls a traffic light just to torture Sting by putting on the red-light whenever he's driving home and vry much has to poop

friendly reminder tht saying friendly reminder before you call out something that is clearly bad for an audience of like-minded leftists who will obviously agree with you, is a weird thing to do

if we date, these are my ground rules: 1.) no physical or emotional intimacy 2.) smiling = bad 3.) we drink only the blood of fallen dwarves 4.) the children are turned into lamps 5.) cellphones and pagers must be silenced during the film

when i see that menacing toucan bird on the fruitloop cereal box, i know one thing for certain: i want to look into his eyes as he takes his final breath

ban the pledge of allegiance from schools? but it is tradition for us to brainwash the children first thing in the morning with the brainwash song

rubs me super very wrong when men sing falsetto. bring tht C sharp down a couple octaves u coward child u sound like a 12 yr old danish girl frolicking in a meadow

*white guy tries to commit mass murder* arresting officer: good evening sir would u like a kiss on the cheek and a glass of sprite we think you’re our very special misunderstood boy

*man kneels during a song* conservatives: this is without question the worst thing that's ever happened

seeing the miserable out of shape bicycle cops frantically bicycle around to keep up with the protest is a small victory i think

“its easier if u do it this way” bold of u to assume i don’t thoroughly enjoy doing it the incredibly stupid dumb hard way

i wonder how long after they named him Tigger they realized maybe it was not such a great idea to name him Tigger

ive been rounding up my height on dating apps from 5’6” (actual) to 6’1” and i worry this might eventually present an issue. specifically, im concerned they will be disappointed to learn i am fucking absolutely not 6’1”

will nvr understand the male obsession w/ virgins like, if i were to play bocce ball, my preference would not be to play w/ someone who has never once played bocce ball

ppl who confidently back into parking spaces are the sexy bad boys of the parking world