You know those black box recorders they have on flights? Seen this? Y'know, they say they're so strong it's the only thing that survives a plane crash. What I wanna know is, if it's so strong why don't they just build the whole plane out of the black box?

This is so sweet of Dibbo. Yep, two more weekends of Legal Thriller so come on down folks! eventbrite.com.au/e/legal-th… Use the code "COURTROOM" for cheaper tickets. It's the best goddamn show I've ever seen in my entire life (biased)

fuck!

I haven't twote in a while (past tense of tweet) but I'm doing a show in this year's comedy festival! Tix:eventbrite.com.au/e/90s-lega… I talk about movies and the JFK assassination (which I did). Please come so I don't have to make ironic joke lists appealing to other comedians xoxo

🚨ALERT🚨Taylor Swift SPOTTED at A1 Bakery right NOW!! The staff are BEGGING her not to order EVERY shanklish pie but the INTERNATIONAL SENSATION is simply TOO POWERFUL and FUELED BY FETA!!! This is NOT A DRILL!!

I just flew in from that gender inclusivity conference and and boy/girl are my arms tired!

[Popeye the Improv Man] "ok folks, need a suggestion from the audience for what I yam"

[Blade walks into the beer garden outside the blood rave in Blade] "Oop, here 'e is. Day walker. One who walks amongt us. All of our strengths, none of our weaknesses. Let you back in did they mate, haha! Nah go on, it has been a while. How's your mum doing?"

[mums posting about 2024] IN one ear OUT the other

A Christmas miracle!!

Shit, I had $10 on super mario bros sweeping the Steakies

[Clint Eastwood voice] "Go ahead...take my wife...please!"

Stan Original would be such a great baby name

"He was a celebrated figure in mid-twentieth century american politics, how bout that...known for his foreign policy wo---hold the fort!"

Ok I'm going back to the wall with 99 beers on it, does anyone *else* want one passed down? Cause I don't want to make another trip