TJA

"one thing that u enjoyed recently?" - Her bomb ass pussy #tellonym tellonym.me/thomas.allie/ans…

I shouldn’t have and I’m blaming myself. a lot of this puts me behind in my work too…mostly just because of my mental health…I’ll not feel good enough

I didn’t set myself up smartly, then again I thought I’d have all my stuff by now. But now the 2 months of work I put into my body…starting feeling good physically and mentally…and now it’s feels undone

I’ve dug myself a hole…and one that I’m going to have to work 3x as hard to dig myself out of…and I feel stupid for it

Like maybe it’s me. My personality. The way I look. Nobody wants to see this. Idfk

I love my job…don’t get me wrong…idk I just feel…outcasted. I don’t…get to make friends. Nobody wants to hangout and be cool and make fun shit…and I constantly impart my own insecurity into that

If you can see this, one person specifically. If you can see this. You’re violating my boundaries.

I had to sit and deal with having painful words thrown at me…and I didn’t care…because I cared. And the lesson wasn’t learned ? Gonna take a random persons offer again.

Not living in absolutes, living in concern. Living with experience. If there is a 1% chance that someone could be hurt…why take it ?

It’s the excuses anti-vaxxers use. I found the thing that proves my point so your point is wrong.

Cheat the system. Never understanding people seek to victimize. Never listen to those with the knowledge and experience because…BUT this agrees with me

I bet I’ve been painted like the one who ruined things. I’m sure that’s what the friends think. Like I wanted to pull the plug. Like I didn’t give the chances.

Like I’m not the one who’s needs were ignored. Who was pushed to a breaking point. Who was lied too, had my trauma weaponized against me at times. I wanted it to work. More than they’ll ever know.

Like I don’t hurt ? Like this doesn’t effect me? Like I haven’t been trying to avoid every single thought possible ? Like I haven’t been crying about it.

I’m open, I explain, I just need distraction when I’m like this…but they just…throw words that’s feel empty when they don’t provide my needs

Maybe I’m just expecting…too much? Maybe I’m just used to this? Maybe this is the norm I’m willing to accept for myself. Like…I have to pay attention…I have to worry about others mental health but…it always feels like mine isn’t worth th effort

It’s not to say there aren’t people…i have people…idk it just seems like I’m only a priority when I mention there is a problem…maybe it’s my fault for expecting more

I’m not feeling great about me…feeling alone…inadequate…and now I feel like…words are one thing but actions…idk they seem to not be there

It’s just…I NEEDED someone…and it just…it’s seems something is always in the way and…I really try to make the time when someone needs it…focus…give them what they need…but I don’t feel I get that back