Football Stories

In 2016, Sunderland signed Emmanuel Eboué. 22 days later, they terminated his contract. He never played a single game. The former Arsenal defender had joined until the end of the season as Sunderland battled relegation. Then FIFA handed him a one-year ban from all football activity over an unpaid debt to his former agent. Sam Allardyce said Sunderland had been “completely in the dark” about the dispute. Eboué had already spent weeks training with the club and was being prepared for first-team action. Instead, his Sunderland career ended before it ever began. Signed on 9 March. Gone on 31 March. Zero appearances. #Sunderland #epl

Before Riyad Mahrez became a Premier League champion, he had a trial at St Mirren. He escaped Paisley on a borrowed bicycle. In 2009, the unknown 18-year-old spent around two months in Paisley trying to earn a contract. Mahrez later claimed he played four friendlies and scored seven goals, but St Mirren kept delaying a decision on whether to sign him. He also absolutely hated the Scottish winter. At one point, he said he faked an injury just so he could get back inside from the cold. Eventually, his agent told him to come home. There was one problem. Mahrez had left his only pair of football boots at St Mirren’s training ground. So he borrowed a bicycle from someone at his hotel, cycled over to collect them, returned the bike, packed his bags and slipped out through a stairwell to avoid reception. He left without telling St Mirren. A few years later, Leicester City signed him for around £400,000. He became a Premier League champion and PFA Player of the Year. St Mirren’s future superstar had quite literally cycled away. #stmirren #mancity

In 1983, Oxford United and Reading nearly disappeared. The plan was to merge them into one club: Thames Valley Royals. Oxford chairman Robert Maxwell wanted to combine the two clubs, eventually sell both grounds and build a new stadium somewhere between Oxford and Reading. Until then, the new team would alternate home games between the Manor Ground and Elm Park. They'd even combine the club colours. The plan was to wear blue and yellow hoops. Jim Smith was lined up as manager. Both sets of fans revolted. Around 2,000 Oxford supporters occupied the pitch before a game against Wigan, delaying kick-off by 33 minutes. One banner read: “Oxford United loyal, not Thames Valley Royal.” Another simply said: “Knickers, Maxwell.” Reading supporters marched through town carrying a coffin in their club colours. Then the whole thing collapsed in court. The deal relied on Maxwell gaining control of Reading, but opponents challenged how the necessary shares had been issued. A judge froze the transfer. The merger died. Oxford won promotion the following season. Then they won promotion again. By 1985, the club Maxwell said might not survive without the merger was playing in the First Division. #efl #reading

On this day in 2009, a goalkeeper was caught cheating by literally moving the goalposts. Before IFK Göteborg played Örebro, Kim Christensen pushed both posts inwards to make his goal smaller. He thought he’d moved them about 5cm each. TV footage suggested it was closer to 10cm on either side. Around 20 minutes into the match, the referee realised something was wrong and put the goal back to its proper width. Afterwards, Christensen casually admitted he’d done it before after learning the trick from another goalkeeper. Asked if it was fair play, he essentially blamed Örebro for not securing their posts properly. The match finished 0-0. Christensen was reported to the Swedish FA, but escaped punishment for an extraordinary reason: Had the referee caught him, it would only have been a yellow card. The disciplinary committee therefore said it couldn't punish him retrospectively. He literally moved the goalposts and got away with it. #ifkgoteborg #allsvenskan

In 1999, Celtic paid £4.8m for Brazilian international defender Rafael Scheidt. John Barnes had never seen him play live. Barnes reportedly said: “Unlike most Brazilian defenders, he can defend.” Celtic gave Scheidt a four-and-a-half-year contract and even decided he would simply be known as “Rafael”. Probably wise. Then things began to unravel. He needed an appendix operation shortly after arriving, struggled for opportunities and eventually fell out of the picture completely when Martin O’Neill took over. Scheidt later claimed O’Neill told him: “I like footballers who are not like you. I like footballers who play well.” He made just three league appearances for Celtic before being sent back to Brazil on loan. But in late 2002, Scheidt still wanted another chance in Glasgow. His declaration? “I want this year to be known as the Scheidt year.” Unfortunately, by then he no longer qualified for a UK work permit. Celtic eventually paid to terminate the remainder of his contract. £4.8m. Three league appearances. And the Scheidt year never even got started. #celtic #spfl

When Benito Carbone signed for Sheffield Wednesday in 1996, the club unveiled their new Italian star with a plate of pasta. A year later, Paolo Di Canio arrived. Naturally, Wednesday decided the two Italians needed a pizza photoshoot. There was just one problem. The pizza wasn’t even cooked. Carbone and Di Canio were photographed at Hillsborough biting into an uncooked supermarket pizza for the cameras. It’s the sort of gloriously stereotypical player unveiling you suspect a modern communications department might think twice about. Carbone still has the photo framed at home. #sheffwed #efl

Chester City were once saved from administration by an American football coach. Then he appointed himself manager. Then he appointed three captains. Terry Smith took over Chester in 1999 after the club had come close to folding. His background was in American football, not English football. After manager Kevin Ratcliffe resigned following “major differences of opinion”, Smith eventually took charge of the team himself. It was basically Ted Lasso two decades before the TV series. One captain looked after the defence. One captained the midfield. One captained the attack. Former players later recalled American-football-style training drills, detailed “playbooks” being left for them before matches and sessions heavily focused on set-pieces. The results were considerably less innovative. Chester spent the season fighting at the bottom of the Third Division, with Smith’s methods increasingly unpopular as defeats piled up. By December, supporters had seen enough. They held a vote of no confidence in Smith’s management. The result was 86-2. Experienced coach Ian Atkins eventually took control of the football side and almost pulled off an escape. But Chester were relegated on goal difference on the final day, ending 69 years in the Football League. Smith had helped save Chester from disappearing. Less than a year later, they disappeared from the Football League instead. #efl #chestercity

In 2012/13, Watford found a loophole in the Football League’s loan rules. And absolutely rinsed it. They brought in 14 loan players during the season. 10 of them came from Udinese, who were owned by the same family as Watford. The trick was simple: players loaned from overseas clubs were technically treated as full transfers, meaning they weren’t subject to the same restrictions as domestic loanees. Matej Vydra arrived from Udinese, scored 22 goals and was named Championship Player of the Season. Watford reached the play-off final. Then the Football League changed the rules. All 72 clubs voted in favour. Including Watford. #Watford #udinese

In 2012, a cash-strapped Greek football club found a new shirt sponsor. A local brothel. Amateur side Voukefalas unveiled bright pink shirts advertising Villa Erotica and Soula’s House of History after struggling for money during Greece’s financial crisis. The sponsor was 67-year-old brothel owner Soula Alevridou, who paid €1,000 to help the club. Voukefalas’ squad included students, waiters, a bartender and pizza delivery drivers. Then the league stepped in. The shirts were banned from competitive matches, although the club could still display the brothel logos on tracksuits and training gear. Alevridou argued that football was perfectly happy to advertise gambling companies. Voukefalas appealed, but reports months later still had them wearing different shirts in official matches. Points for creativity. #Greece #football

Tal Ben Haim signed for Portsmouth in 2009 on around £36,000 a week. Six months later, Pompey were in administration. Then came relegation. A loan spell at West Ham. A return to Portsmouth. Another administration. Another relegation. By summer 2012, Pompey were preparing for League One and had introduced a £5,000-a-week payment cap just to stay alive. Ben Haim still had another year left on his original deal. Around £36,000 a week. More than seven times Portsmouth’s new cap, and roughly 25 times the average League One wage reported at the time. Pompey wanted him off the books, but they couldn’t just tear up the contract. Ben Haim had declined a relegation release clause, and the clubs interested in signing him weren’t willing to match his wages. He wasn’t simply sitting in the stands either. He had started 33 Championship games the season before. Eventually, with Portsmouth warning they could be weeks from liquidation, a settlement was agreed. Ben Haim left. The administrator immediately said Pompey’s chances of surviving had improved. That contract had outlasted almost everything around it. #pompey #epl

In 1999, Arsenal won an FA Cup tie 2-1. Then Arsène Wenger asked for the entire match to be played again. At 1-1, Sheffield United kicked the ball out so an injured player could receive treatment. From the restart, Ray Parlour tried to return the ball to United goalkeeper Alan Kelly. But Kanu, making his Arsenal debut, didn't realise what was happening. He chased the ball down and squared it across goal for Marc Overmars to score into an empty net. Kanu took most of the blame, despite Overmars actually scoring the goal. No rule had been broken, but Wenger felt the winner was unfair and offered Sheffield United a replay. The FA agreed. Arsenal won that 2-1 as well. #facup #arsenal