𝐔𝐳𝐢 𝐃𝐨𝐨𝐫𝐦𝐚𝐧

(♡︎+⟳)

What. What?? What are you talking about!? These are not made up! These are countries of Earth! Countries that the meatbags live in and do petty shit like pay taxes or resist the urge to not run each other over with vehicles!!! Please, this HAS to make sense to you.

You've never heard of that word before? Why does YOU speaking fancy suddenly mean I don't make a slick of sense?! [She would start to pout ever so slightly, even going so far as to conjure up a flat world map.] HERE. Even more proof!

I'm so gl- WHAT??? I conjure up literal proof, the real deal globe, and you wanna say it's fiction. You're trolling. You HAVE to be trolling right now, dude. Big Bird, whatever.

Wha- Hey! Not so suddenly..! . . . [Only then did her words register. A faint blush underneath the eyes, purple lines.] D-Do you like it? I don't normally do mundane stuff like this, haha...ha.

No, i'm not. [For the first time, her face spoke absolute confidence. Her hand was raised, a peculiar symbol forming, constructing an entire globe. Physical, able to grasp.] Look, spin it around if you want! That has EVERY country in the world! Proof!

You've...never heard of France? Are you serious? Russia, Egypt, Japan, Australia. Do any of these names ring any bells to you? Well, if you spend so much time guarding a forest then I can understand why...

H-Hey! Your words, not mine! I didn't describe you as a fool! In fact, you just spelled it out for me! If we're going to teach you how to be a law abiding citizen...I'm gonna need you to answer a few questions. Firstly! What's the capital of France? This is your first lesson!

That's neat. You are kinda just...radiating a light constantly. But I don't mean lost literally! [She felt brave enough to take another step forward.] I mean like...Hm, what DO I mean..? You seem like the airhead type. You need someone smart like me to teach you things!

No, no, you're completely fine to tell me off! I just, uh... [A sigh, her tail wrapping around her somewhat thick thigh.] You look...I dunno. Lonely? Socially distant? I'm going to assume you aren't human. You're tall as shit. Are you lost, or something?

WaitwaitwaitwaitsorryIfuckedup! [She spoke fast, her visor displaying slight nervousness. And moderate embarrassment as she scratches the back of her head.] Sorry, it's a force of habit! I'm not trying to demean you or be a bitch! That comes naturally. I was complimenting!!!

Then you're a lethal protector! You know, those have a lot of cool factor attached to them. I think you're cool. And fat. Does the fat make you more intimidating to people that are trying to mess with your forest?

So you kill them...that's cool. [She seemed...oddly fine with that.] If you're doing the good work, who am I to judge? Does it make you happy? Do you enjoy it? Probably a shitty thing to ask, but I gotta ask!

[The entire hand overtakes Uzi's. The shake would, literally, take her off the ground. Her presence was suffocating.] You're a badass guardian, huh? So do you ever get trespassers that you gotta blast with lasers, orrrrr do you just act like the grumpy old troll under a bridge?

WHAT?! I-I mean...that's a bit rude. Are you profiling me off of a first impression? Leave that shit in the 1900s. Look, I know, I know...i'm a little rough around the edges... [She would come closer, clearly offering a handshake.] But let's start over! Trust me!

Ummmmm...! [There was a tiny loading logo in the corner of her visor.] It's because you're hot. And you have a lot of eyes that are looking at me like you're interested in tiny ol' me! That's, uh... It's not a bad thing when they all look at me, right?