If I write A load of shite But break it up Into little bits And put big spaces Between them Does that make Me a poet?

This is next level genius.

😂😂😂😂

Gojira were fucking awesome at the Paris Olympics opening ceremony. The fact that it's caused a collective pants-shitting among the MAGA cult is just the chef's kiss.

Right then, let's get rid of these corrupt, self-serving tory cunts once & for all, shall we? Hopefully I'll never see another tory government in my lifetime.

I can finally reveal the secret of my flawless complexion....

Had the very great pleasure of speaking to the awesome @Feargal_Sharkey in a coffee shop in Cardiff this morning, and he was every bit as lovely as you'd expect him to be.

I feel like I've been watching an episode of Yes Minister written by Dadaists.

Currently singing "Fuck Pigs, Cunts & Morons" to the tune of "Gypsies, Tramps & Thieves"...

Wasps are twats.

I'm sweating so much that Mary has decided to stand me in the garden & use me as a water feature.

Hope you're safe & OK over there in Sicily @modicana xx

Waiting for X to explode shortly after launch.

Lots of people posting photos of their dads as it's Father's Day, so here's mine. Well, some of him anyway. Yes, that is a Sunpat Peanut Butter Jar.

Nadine Dorries: "Rishi Sunak blocked my peerage"' Is this a euphemism?

Talking Pictures TV - the gift that keeps on giving. 😊♥️@TalkingPicsTV

I'd like to say a big thanks the The Contortionist Society of Great Britain, who bent over backwards to help me with an enquiry the other day.

Coronation excitement reaching fever pitch here...

Bollocks to Charles - Swear allegiance to ME! THE GIRAFFE KING!!!

"Mum! Grandad's got tangled up in the curtains again!"

“Quote with celebs you’ve been told you look like.”