Rodriguez Fruitbat

MERMANIAC An alcoholic merman goes on a rampage when a resort town prepares for a lakeside bikini contest. #ScreenPit #HoCo #Fea #CFin #SRV

The universe is shouting at me “you have no future in writing” but my secret weapon is an inability to pay attention.

As my Twitter profile gasps its last dying breaths, I leave screenwriting wisdom: - Horror scripts = 93 pages - More sparkly in Act 2 - Always include “You just don’t get it, do you?” - Use “…” everywhere - intro villains as “hot but don’t know it” - post some dog pix

Screenwriting was fun, but maybe I should switch to tweeting pithy commentary on trying to break into the gardening scene instead.

Book review of my new novel: “It’s really raunchy. I’m surprised by how raunchy it is.” - my father in law

Which is a better strategy to sell more books - a targeted online advertising campaign, or a well-timed miracle?

I should just write something commercial. Like a Christmas romantic comedy starring a quirky dog who is a detective or something.

The trick to adapting a screenplay into a novel is you just replace every sentence with five sentences.

“Deviant hilarity of the absolute finest.” - Amazon reader review Y’all should see me blushing right now! Couldn’t ask for a better review of our novel, haha. @TrueCriminals

My 5th grade teacher said I’d never have a top #296 kidnapping crime thriller novel. Damn. So close.

After exhaustive research, I believe the best way to market my novel is with posing while reading it scantily clad in various exotic locations. I hope dad bods are in style.

In solidarity with the WGA, I will postpone my meteoritic rise to fame as a wildly successful screenwriter. Who’s with me?

We sold another book! It was me… I bought my own book… but that counts, right?

Could this be the best book of the year? Probably. Almost certainly. Dang tootin’! (…at least we think so) @TrueCriminals #pulpisnotdead #mysterynovel #crimefiction

I co-wrote a novel! Also, anyone know how to sell a novel?

I’ve got a new writing spot, the Square Bucks cafe!

I found this in Egypt, what does it mean?

My favourite used book store, which was full of old pulp mystery paperbacks is closing. What am I going to do now?

What’s the worst movie you love? I’ll go first — Grease 2

Lola waiting for an update 3 weeks after a talent manager said he really liked our sci-fi horror screenplay...

Writers, when one reader says your work is the best thing they’ve ever read, but the next reader says, “meh, that kinda sucked,” rest assured knowing that it’s really nothing more than everyone working together to torment you.