Gus

okay everybody since there's no hockey on im going to go ahead and break down the sporting event of the week which happens to be tomorrow night. Seattle Washington takes on Anchorage Alaska in the little league baseball northwest regional championship with the winner moving on in the little league World Series and the loser most likely crying at the end of the game and maybe getting a ice cream cone to cheer them up. Unless it's Seattle those kids will most likely get a kale salad with vinaigrette dressing and it'll even have crushed up croutons if they're lucky. Let's get into this: Seattle Washington: To be completely honest with you this is big surprise to me that this Seattle ballclub has made it this far into the tournament as most of the bottom half of this lineup spends most of the day picking apples and harvesting blueberries with their parents in the middle of the woods. This is one of the prime times of the year for Washington families to take the Subaru Outback out of the garage and travel on roads that are intentionally not paved in order to pretend like they're really far out in nature to get away from all the stress that comes with having multiple masters degrees in environmental science and millions of dollars in their retirement accounts. Don't forget the dogs, in some areas in Washington if you don't own a minimum of two golden retrievers the government will track you down and shoot you directly in the head. Anyways, with that being said, I feel like a lot of the players on this club have focuses elsewhere (smoking pot, hacky sack, walking around in the woods with bear mace, etc - but the top of the order of this team has been able pick up the slack and carry this group a few wins away from heading to pennslyvania for the LLWS tournament. Not only is the top of the lineup stacked, their bullpen has been reliable so far as they have proven they can compete on defense against offensively potent teams that already have 11 year olds with tattoos such as teams from Oakland or Sacramento. Anchorage Alaska: This is a club that was not expected to make it out of the preliminary rounds since all of their parents are alcoholics and some of these kids had to uber to their games even though they are 10-12 years old. Luckily, this squad is known for it's camraderie as the veteran 12 year olds on the team did a great job at making sure all the rookies were able to get to their games with all of their equipment even though sometimes their dads like to do some drinking and steal their baseball bats to go club seals and penguins in the head out near the river. What I like a lot about this lineup is that most of them grew up in harsh conditions and they're definitely not laying around all day with golden retrievers and eating celery - these guys are here to win and they are here to work. Nobody wants to sit home in their igloo and look at Sara palins big boobies on their iPads anymore - those days are gone. These kids want to win at the ballpark and finally fly somewhere that has central heating in their room. That's a massive edge I'll give to Alaska here, the determination to experience life across the country in good old Williamsport Pennslyvania. that just about does it for me on this game I was honestly just waiting for an HVAC guy to show up and he's here now so im gonna cut this short and say Final Prediction: Alaska wins 7-1

Tkachuk plays the most meat and potatoes hockey ever. Just so much god damn fucking beef and so much potatoes. There’s butter all over the potatoes. Salt all over the fucking place. Like just coming back from work and walking through the house in steel toe boots tracking mud everywhere eating beef and potatoes in the kitchen wearing a construction uniform kind of hockey. It’s insane.

Necas, while standing ON the islanders bench after getting rocked, just threw a punch at an islander player. That’s kind of rockstar