‍ ‍ ‍ 𝘌𝘕𝘎𝘐𝘕𝘌𝘌𝘙.

|| icymi (you did) i got really into resident evil and have been enjoying being a different evil dad

— what in the world?

well. good afternoon.

Sorry for being absent, I was taking care of my twins: drugs and alcohol.

Let me be the first to tell you all that it’s okay to fundamentally alter the course of a rivals life in a negative way if they attempt to discredit your work during an international conference.

( Rooting around in the fridge. ) I’m not holding you captive, lover. You don’t have to wait for me.

When did you even— did you make it or did you order it?

Drinking on an empty stomach isn’t advisable but it also isn’t wrong. We know this because that is what I am currently doing and I am always right.

Anyway.

I owe a lot of people a lot of things, Barnes.

i too love lying.

sleep is unfriendly to me these nights.

|| that black widow swimsuit skin i can't tell if I want her or want 2 b her

not interested.

i’m not going to insult your intelligence because that would be rude, but i am going to question it.

yes, i invented carbon monoxide.

my newest invention is an odorless, colorless gas that ruins your life in an amazing way.